Hello!?!

Herm Edwards, while coaching the Jets in 2002, said that the greatest thing about sports is this. "You play to win the game. Hello!?! You play to win the game!" Herm's just the best, I don't know why he isn't still coaching (something about his teams always being mediocre and never winning anything, you say? Whatever, that describes half the coaches in the NFL). This is easily one of the top five sports quotes of all time, and you can't tell me any different. We'll get back to Herm in a minute.

There are 365 days in a year. I think the best way to get through life is to try and find something that can make each day tolerable. 17 Sundays a year, the NFL gets the job done with room to spare. All the games, plus the added fantasy football fun, football rules. It always leaves you with a nice feeling of satisfaction before the beginning of the work week (unless your team loses, then screw football and everyone involved in it, but not really, because it was still fun to watch). But, after week 16, I mainly felt annoyance, even a certain elevated level of contempt. There were three reasons.

For the purposes of today's post, I'll be grading my level of annoyance at each game I mention on my scale of 1 to Laura Ingraham. 1 being barely annoying enough to notice and Laura Ingraham being so annoying I could punch a baby every time I see her and not even feel bad about it because if the baby knew who she was, the baby would understand.

The day ended with the Washington Redskins pulling a total no-show against Dallas. This gets a 2.5 on the Laura Ingraham Annoyance Scale (or, if you prefer, you can use the acronym, IGNORANT. Wait, is that right? I'm terrible at acronyms). Just a pathetic disaster of a performance all the way around. At no point in that game did I believe Washington had any chance to win. Even worse, this was the second week in a row this happened to the Redskins, both on national TV. I'm not sure we should even let them play their last game.

I might not have been annoyed by this at all if it was just a game, because I think Washington was at least trying. But, for one thing, the Redskins aren't some upstart franchise, Washington is a serious NFL team. Also, it was the only game on at the time, on the Sunday between Christmas and New Years, which means there was absolutely nothing else to watch. So I just had to sit there and live through it. I would rather watch a porno starring Oprah and Dr. Phil than see another Redskins game this season. The only silver lining for Washington? Herm would be OK with their performance, they played to win the game, they were just terrible at it.

Earlier in the day, The Giants tried to hang in the playoff race with a home win against the Carolina Panthers. They started the game with a good drive, fumbled away a chance to score first, and then completely quit. This gets a 6 from me. I was noticeably annoyed watching this game. The Giants looked genuinely surprised to find that the Panthers were actually trying to beat them. The Giant coaching staff showed no ability to steady and re-focus the team. It was like watching a car accident in slow motion. I heard LT, who was there for the last Giant home game at Giant Stadium, left at halftime. Also, when Madison Hedgecock dropped a meaningless touchdown pass, costing my fantasy team 4 points from Eli, I almost punched a hole clean through my couch.

This performance by the Giants was an embarrassment. I've said here before that I don't like the Giants one bit, but they're still a New York team (sort of) and when they embarrass New York like that, it just makes me like them less. I'm not sure how Herm would feel about this one. I think the Giants showed up intending to play to win the game, but they seemed to abandon that plan pretty quickly.

Finally, the Colts. The Colts get a solid 9.5 on my annoyance scale, only missing the full Laura Ingraham because I think the football gods will punish them and that will make me happy. The Colts should be ashamed of themselves, Colts fans should be ashamed, really anyone who ever watched a Colts game, or drove through Indianapolis, or ever rode a horse should be at least little ashamed.

Now, I like the Jets, and I'm glad they might get into the playoffs. So there's a part of me that says I shouldn't complain, and Jets fans definitely shouldn't complain. I also realize there's an argument to be made for resting guys and avoiding injuries. Having said all that, if you watched the game, you know what you saw. You saw a 14-0 team getting booed at home. You saw a back-up quarterback getting thrown into a situation he clearly had no chance of handling. You saw the Jets defense go all Chuck Norris for a half (their chief export was pain). You saw an NFL team make a conscious decision to not win a game.

Even worse, this decision was made prior to the beginning of the game. The Colts decided, at some point before the game started, that they were going to pull Peyton Manning and basically forfeit (both the game and the perfect season) at some point in the third quarter, regardless of the game situation. The rest of the game was hard to watch, and this is coming from someone who wanted to see the Jets win. Curtis Painter will need years of therapy. Colts coach Jim Caldwell, who may or may not be an inanimate object, should be getting his ass kicked by the football gods for the rest of his career. Peyton Manning, who I still think has to take special medicine so he doesn't cry like a little girl every time he gets hit, actually came out looking like the real man on the Colts sideline, because it at least sort of seemed like he wanted to stay in.

Hello!?! You play to win the game! You don't just play to play, you play to win the game! I say the Colts should be forced to play Curtis Painter for the entire 2nd half of every playoff game. Either that or we give their playoff spot to a team that hasn't stopped trying at any point this season. I know a lot of teams will rest guys this week, and no one will complain. It seems hypocritical, but if you watched the Jets game last week, you know what I'm talking about. It just felt wrong.