It seems as though the Republican party's best plan for beating Donald Trump now is to play him to a stalemate. Cruz can win some more states, maybe Kasich wins Ohio, maybe Rubio wins Florida, then nobody gets a majority of delegates and they pick someone better at the convention. I'm not so sure about this plan. Who do you pick? Getting Cruz over Trump isn't nearly worth all this trouble. Kasich or Rubio? Are we sure Republican voters are ready to support a candidate who won two states, or one? Who else? Romney? Paul Ryan? Maybe just go get Jeb? A plan to get rid of Trump before it's too late is all well and good, but they need a viable plan B and I'm not sure they have one.
Meanwhile, Bernie Sanders has really grown on me in the last few months, but I'm growing increasingly frustrated with his campaign. The Sanders campaign raised almost 43 million dollars in February, but still decided not to contest half of the super Tuesday states. Why? People on TV keep asking why Bernie can't win any black votes. Well, one of the reasons appears to be that he isn't trying very hard. I like Bernie, but I'm starting to wonder if the people running his campaign do.
Tonight's debate is in Flint, Michigan. I'm a little suspicious about the make-up of CNN's audience tonight. I suspect not too many of them are actually from Flint because I feel like people who have been getting poisoned for two years don't do a lot of clapping and hooting. But hey, Wolfie says CNN handed out some bottled water this weekend so we're cool, right? Anyway, did you guys hear what Trump said yesterday? What a dick!
7:58PM: Another national anthem before a debate. Then Anderson Cooper referred to himself as "moderators". Great start for CNN.
8:00PM: Anderson started off by running earnestly through the whole story about how the Michigan state government allowed an entire city to be poisoned by drinking water to save money. Hillary added, "Ummm, hey Coop, I do the disingenuous grandstanding around here, OK?"
8:02PM: Bernie thinks poisoning people shouldn't be what this country is about. I feel like we'll be making a lot of painfully obvious points tonight.
8:03PM: Hillary adds that the state and federal government should be sending some money so that the water can be not poisonous in the future. Also a solid idea. Hey, do either of you know any of those Senate folks, or that Obama fellow? I bet they could help with that.
8:05PM: A lady from Flint said she's not sure if she'll ever trust the water again. That's such a good point. I don't know that this is necessarily fixable. If I lived in Flint, you couldn't pay me enough to drink the tap water ever again no matter how many government jackasses told me it was safe.
8:08PM: Bernie says people shouldn't have to pay a water bill for poisoned water. Wait, is that currently happening? What the fuck is wrong with Michigan?
8:10PM: We're getting to Bernie's part of this debate. For those of you who haven't met Bernie, he's not a big fan of corporations. You know who else doesn't like corporations? People in Flint, because corporations blew out of town and turned Flint into a goddamn nightmare.
8:12PM: Coop asked Hillary if she would fire the head of the EPA. Her answer seemed to be that she doesn't know how high the problem went in the EPA. The correct answer to that question, at least while you're standing in Flint, is "yes Coop, I would definitely fire that dude". Bernie kind of balked at firing the head of the EPA too, but he did a better job of it.
8:16PM: Hillary committed to replacing all lead water pipes as President, but also talked about how some houses have lead paint and she's going to get rid of that too. If you vote for Hillary, she will personally re-paint your house.
8:18PM: Some guy asked Hillary why the people of Flint should believe that she's not just using Flint to score political points, since she never really talked about Flint before. Her basic answer was "listen, the political points were so easy here. Your Governor is a moron".
8:20PM: Same question to Bernie. He didn't do much better. Yes, you're being used to score political points. If you don't like it, why did you show up tonight?
8:23PM: Hillary just did a minute on not letting corporations export jobs. Bernie immediately responded by hammering her on NAFTA.
8:26PM: Hillary said Bernie was against the auto bailout and Bernie made a face that defied description. Then Bernie said Hillary was all for bailing out her friends on Wall St. Apparently both bailouts were in the same bill so I guess everyone's an asshole.
8:31PM: Bernie says he's not shy about being a one-issue candidate because his one issue is re-building the middle class.
8:32PM: Bernie doesn't really know what we're talking about anymore so he's going to talk about super pacs and why Hillary won't release the transcripts of her speeches to Wall St. She keeps saying she'll do that when the Republicans do, which is a nonsense answer but she's sticking with it.
8:33PM: Hillary said Barack Obama took more money from Wall St. than any other person ever and then he stood up to Wall St. when the time came. Wait, weren't we just talking, like five minutes ago, about that time Barack Obama gave Wall St. 700 billion dollars in unmarked bills with no oversight?
8:37PM: Bernie's not calling Hillary stupid, he's calling her trade policies stupid.
8:38PM: They're talking about the export-import bank now. Coop wisely explained what that is before he asked Bernie why he opposes it. Bernie said 75% of the money from the export-import bank goes to big businesses like Boeing. Coop pointed out that no other Democrats agree with Bernie, but Ted Cruz does. Ouch Coop.
8:39PM: Bernie said Democrats aren't always right. Hillary made the DOES NOT COMPUTE face.
8:42PM: Basically, Bernie is saying the export-import bank mostly supports big business and Hillary's counterpoint is that it supports small businesses too. As far as I can tell they're both basically right. Democrat debates are boring. Don't you guys want to order the military to commit war crimes or build a giant pointless wall? Come on!
8:49PM: Big applause for the girl who got shot a couple of weeks ago by an uber driver but didn't die. We really have big dreams in this country. Hey everyone, maybe some of the children who get shot for no good reason in our country will just be horribly injured but not die!!! USA! USA!
8:51PM: The girl's dad asked Hillary what she'll do about mass shootings and said he didn't want to hear about background checks and mental health. Hillary immediately pivoted to that time Bernie voted to give gun manufacturers immunity.
8:53PM: Bernie says nobody has a magic solution to gun violence. Why is that always the answer? "Guns? Hey man, I don't know magic". Bernie is standing by his view that gun manufacturers should have immunity. It's such a weird position. Hillary, correctly, pointed out that manufacturers could make guns safer but they aren't doing it, so they are partially responsible.
8:59PM: Bernie is completely unraveling on guns and Hillary is absolutely destroying him. She even went into how he talks about corporate greed all the time but he's protecting the corporate greed of gun manufacturers. Bernie just keeps asking if he understands the question correctly and saying that Hillary wants to end gun manufacturing in America.
9:02PM: We've moved on to mass incarceration. Lemon brought up the 1994 crime bill and asked Hillary why black people should trust her to get it right this time. Hillary said Bernie voted for that bill and Don should ask him about it.
9:05PM: Lemon took Hillary's advice and asked Bernie about it. Bernie said there was good stuff in the bill too (which is true).
9;06PM: A guy in the audience asked Bernie what experiences he's had which have allowed him to understand other cultures. He talked a lot about his civil rights record, which sounds good. Bernie did a solid job, but I feel like the right answer would have been an acknowledgement that Bernie has no idea what it's like to be black in America.
9:09PM: Lemon asked Hillary what racial blind spots she has and she chose to answer the question that the guy asked Bernie because Don's question was really hard. Lemon, in a stunning display of doing his job, pushed back at her and asked the question again. It was glorious! Then, Hillary kind of gave the "I honestly don't know what it's like to be black" answer. Don Lemon did journalism and then Hillary Clinton gave what sounded like a genuinely honest answer to a question. I need a minute.
9:12PM: Bernie told a story about how a black friend of his couldn't get a cab in DC 20 years ago and then eventually came around to saying he doesn't really know what it's like to be black in America either. Bernie's still rattled by the gun debate. I'm surprised he hasn't left yet.
9:15PM: Remember that time Hillary Clinton used the phrase "super predators" in 1996? Don Lemon does. Don wants to know if it was racial code. Hillary says she was talking about drug cartels. OK.
9:17PM: Bernie just asked Hillary if she was just talking about some welfare bill from the 90s. She said she wasn't and Bernie was like "OK, I"m going to talk about it anyway". Hillary said they created 23 millions jobs in the 90s and Bernie was like "yeah, but what about NAFTA and Wall St.?" I'm souring on Bernie again. I feel like it's a bad sign for Bernie that every time I start to think I kind of like him I watch a debate and actually listen to him for two hours and then I kind of stop liking him.
9:24PM: Coop says the schools in Flint are failing and running out of money. How about instead of spending money to fix the water we just build these people a new city because this sounds like a mess? Seriously, there's lots of empty land between cities in the midwest. We could put New Flint anywhere they want.
9:28PM: Bernie's going to tax the wealthy to fix schools. I know Democrats don't like to hear this, but if you look at education budgets in cities, funding doesn't really look like the problem. Schools need better leadership and better ideas more than they need more money.
9:30PM: Coop got booed for pointing out that teachers unions are the fucking worst. When asked if she thinks unions protect bad teachers, Hillary said she wants to look at that, and then said she understands that's a common criticism and that we need to eliminate that criticism. Not fix that problem, eliminate that criticism. Yup.
9:34PM: Hillary keeps saying she wants to go further. Sometimes it's unclear what she wants to go further than, but further she will go.
9:35PM: Lemon wants to know how Bernie will fund his big infrastructure plans. I bet he's going to talk about taxing millionaires and billionaires. Rats! He talked about taxing corporations. I was so close.
9:36PM: A student from a local college is asking about fracking. Coop says she's an undecided voter but she's a college student so she's voting for Bernie.
9:37PM: Hillary wasn't willing to take an anti-fracking position, but said she'd make it more difficult. Bernie jumped in and said he's 100% against fracking and then started talking about climate change. Coop asked Bernie if Democratic Governors who say fracking can be done safely are wrong and he very glibly said "Yes". Bernie's got his legs back under him now.
9:41PM: Hillary always completely ignores Bernie's premise that it's hard to be tough on industries that give you a lot of money. Coop pushed her on a specific fund raiser with a big domestic fracking company. Hillary said there's nothing to be concerned about there and then went for the applause line about how this debate is better than Republican debates.
9:44PM: Bernie agreed about the Republicans, but then asked a good question that he's asked before. Why would these big corporations keep giving money to all of the candidates who keep saying the money has no influence on them? Do they just like giving away money? Do they get a sense of pride every time they see a silly campaign add?
9:50PM: Hillary is building a broad coalition of people across the country. People who have lost any desire to get excited about anything and are made of 100% pragmatism.
9:52PM: Bernie says he wins polls against Trump way more than Hillary does. I know that's true, but it really doesn't seem sustainable. I understand why Bernie makes establishment Democrats nervous. He's a little uneven as a candidate.
9:53PM: Some lady just asked Bernie if he thinks god is relevant. When did the Republican debate start? We eventually got to how Bernie is very proud to be Jewish and then Bernie subtly compared Trump to Hitler. For the record, he really is more of a Mussolini.
9:55PM: The same lady asked Hillary for whom she prays. Seriously, what's happening right now? Fifteen minutes ago we were talking about science and climate change and now we're talking about who we pray for. Reign it in Coop!
9:58PM: I prayed for this debate to end and Coop mercifully answered my prayers.
Closing Statements
Bernie started out talking about how his dad came to this country with no money and then went on to talk about the wealthy and super pacs and political revolution.
Hillary did a thing about breaking down barriers. If you can find a way to believe anything she says, it was pretty solid.
7:58PM: Another national anthem before a debate. Then Anderson Cooper referred to himself as "moderators". Great start for CNN.
8:00PM: Anderson started off by running earnestly through the whole story about how the Michigan state government allowed an entire city to be poisoned by drinking water to save money. Hillary added, "Ummm, hey Coop, I do the disingenuous grandstanding around here, OK?"
8:02PM: Bernie thinks poisoning people shouldn't be what this country is about. I feel like we'll be making a lot of painfully obvious points tonight.
8:03PM: Hillary adds that the state and federal government should be sending some money so that the water can be not poisonous in the future. Also a solid idea. Hey, do either of you know any of those Senate folks, or that Obama fellow? I bet they could help with that.
8:05PM: A lady from Flint said she's not sure if she'll ever trust the water again. That's such a good point. I don't know that this is necessarily fixable. If I lived in Flint, you couldn't pay me enough to drink the tap water ever again no matter how many government jackasses told me it was safe.
8:08PM: Bernie says people shouldn't have to pay a water bill for poisoned water. Wait, is that currently happening? What the fuck is wrong with Michigan?
8:10PM: We're getting to Bernie's part of this debate. For those of you who haven't met Bernie, he's not a big fan of corporations. You know who else doesn't like corporations? People in Flint, because corporations blew out of town and turned Flint into a goddamn nightmare.
8:12PM: Coop asked Hillary if she would fire the head of the EPA. Her answer seemed to be that she doesn't know how high the problem went in the EPA. The correct answer to that question, at least while you're standing in Flint, is "yes Coop, I would definitely fire that dude". Bernie kind of balked at firing the head of the EPA too, but he did a better job of it.
8:16PM: Hillary committed to replacing all lead water pipes as President, but also talked about how some houses have lead paint and she's going to get rid of that too. If you vote for Hillary, she will personally re-paint your house.
8:18PM: Some guy asked Hillary why the people of Flint should believe that she's not just using Flint to score political points, since she never really talked about Flint before. Her basic answer was "listen, the political points were so easy here. Your Governor is a moron".
8:20PM: Same question to Bernie. He didn't do much better. Yes, you're being used to score political points. If you don't like it, why did you show up tonight?
8:23PM: Hillary just did a minute on not letting corporations export jobs. Bernie immediately responded by hammering her on NAFTA.
8:26PM: Hillary said Bernie was against the auto bailout and Bernie made a face that defied description. Then Bernie said Hillary was all for bailing out her friends on Wall St. Apparently both bailouts were in the same bill so I guess everyone's an asshole.
8:31PM: Bernie says he's not shy about being a one-issue candidate because his one issue is re-building the middle class.
8:32PM: Bernie doesn't really know what we're talking about anymore so he's going to talk about super pacs and why Hillary won't release the transcripts of her speeches to Wall St. She keeps saying she'll do that when the Republicans do, which is a nonsense answer but she's sticking with it.
8:33PM: Hillary said Barack Obama took more money from Wall St. than any other person ever and then he stood up to Wall St. when the time came. Wait, weren't we just talking, like five minutes ago, about that time Barack Obama gave Wall St. 700 billion dollars in unmarked bills with no oversight?
8:37PM: Bernie's not calling Hillary stupid, he's calling her trade policies stupid.
8:38PM: They're talking about the export-import bank now. Coop wisely explained what that is before he asked Bernie why he opposes it. Bernie said 75% of the money from the export-import bank goes to big businesses like Boeing. Coop pointed out that no other Democrats agree with Bernie, but Ted Cruz does. Ouch Coop.
8:39PM: Bernie said Democrats aren't always right. Hillary made the DOES NOT COMPUTE face.
8:42PM: Basically, Bernie is saying the export-import bank mostly supports big business and Hillary's counterpoint is that it supports small businesses too. As far as I can tell they're both basically right. Democrat debates are boring. Don't you guys want to order the military to commit war crimes or build a giant pointless wall? Come on!
8:49PM: Big applause for the girl who got shot a couple of weeks ago by an uber driver but didn't die. We really have big dreams in this country. Hey everyone, maybe some of the children who get shot for no good reason in our country will just be horribly injured but not die!!! USA! USA!
8:51PM: The girl's dad asked Hillary what she'll do about mass shootings and said he didn't want to hear about background checks and mental health. Hillary immediately pivoted to that time Bernie voted to give gun manufacturers immunity.
8:53PM: Bernie says nobody has a magic solution to gun violence. Why is that always the answer? "Guns? Hey man, I don't know magic". Bernie is standing by his view that gun manufacturers should have immunity. It's such a weird position. Hillary, correctly, pointed out that manufacturers could make guns safer but they aren't doing it, so they are partially responsible.
8:59PM: Bernie is completely unraveling on guns and Hillary is absolutely destroying him. She even went into how he talks about corporate greed all the time but he's protecting the corporate greed of gun manufacturers. Bernie just keeps asking if he understands the question correctly and saying that Hillary wants to end gun manufacturing in America.
9:02PM: We've moved on to mass incarceration. Lemon brought up the 1994 crime bill and asked Hillary why black people should trust her to get it right this time. Hillary said Bernie voted for that bill and Don should ask him about it.
9:05PM: Lemon took Hillary's advice and asked Bernie about it. Bernie said there was good stuff in the bill too (which is true).
9;06PM: A guy in the audience asked Bernie what experiences he's had which have allowed him to understand other cultures. He talked a lot about his civil rights record, which sounds good. Bernie did a solid job, but I feel like the right answer would have been an acknowledgement that Bernie has no idea what it's like to be black in America.
9:09PM: Lemon asked Hillary what racial blind spots she has and she chose to answer the question that the guy asked Bernie because Don's question was really hard. Lemon, in a stunning display of doing his job, pushed back at her and asked the question again. It was glorious! Then, Hillary kind of gave the "I honestly don't know what it's like to be black" answer. Don Lemon did journalism and then Hillary Clinton gave what sounded like a genuinely honest answer to a question. I need a minute.
9:12PM: Bernie told a story about how a black friend of his couldn't get a cab in DC 20 years ago and then eventually came around to saying he doesn't really know what it's like to be black in America either. Bernie's still rattled by the gun debate. I'm surprised he hasn't left yet.
9:15PM: Remember that time Hillary Clinton used the phrase "super predators" in 1996? Don Lemon does. Don wants to know if it was racial code. Hillary says she was talking about drug cartels. OK.
9:17PM: Bernie just asked Hillary if she was just talking about some welfare bill from the 90s. She said she wasn't and Bernie was like "OK, I"m going to talk about it anyway". Hillary said they created 23 millions jobs in the 90s and Bernie was like "yeah, but what about NAFTA and Wall St.?" I'm souring on Bernie again. I feel like it's a bad sign for Bernie that every time I start to think I kind of like him I watch a debate and actually listen to him for two hours and then I kind of stop liking him.
9:24PM: Coop says the schools in Flint are failing and running out of money. How about instead of spending money to fix the water we just build these people a new city because this sounds like a mess? Seriously, there's lots of empty land between cities in the midwest. We could put New Flint anywhere they want.
9:28PM: Bernie's going to tax the wealthy to fix schools. I know Democrats don't like to hear this, but if you look at education budgets in cities, funding doesn't really look like the problem. Schools need better leadership and better ideas more than they need more money.
9:30PM: Coop got booed for pointing out that teachers unions are the fucking worst. When asked if she thinks unions protect bad teachers, Hillary said she wants to look at that, and then said she understands that's a common criticism and that we need to eliminate that criticism. Not fix that problem, eliminate that criticism. Yup.
9:34PM: Hillary keeps saying she wants to go further. Sometimes it's unclear what she wants to go further than, but further she will go.
9:35PM: Lemon wants to know how Bernie will fund his big infrastructure plans. I bet he's going to talk about taxing millionaires and billionaires. Rats! He talked about taxing corporations. I was so close.
9:36PM: A student from a local college is asking about fracking. Coop says she's an undecided voter but she's a college student so she's voting for Bernie.
9:37PM: Hillary wasn't willing to take an anti-fracking position, but said she'd make it more difficult. Bernie jumped in and said he's 100% against fracking and then started talking about climate change. Coop asked Bernie if Democratic Governors who say fracking can be done safely are wrong and he very glibly said "Yes". Bernie's got his legs back under him now.
9:41PM: Hillary always completely ignores Bernie's premise that it's hard to be tough on industries that give you a lot of money. Coop pushed her on a specific fund raiser with a big domestic fracking company. Hillary said there's nothing to be concerned about there and then went for the applause line about how this debate is better than Republican debates.
9:44PM: Bernie agreed about the Republicans, but then asked a good question that he's asked before. Why would these big corporations keep giving money to all of the candidates who keep saying the money has no influence on them? Do they just like giving away money? Do they get a sense of pride every time they see a silly campaign add?
9:50PM: Hillary is building a broad coalition of people across the country. People who have lost any desire to get excited about anything and are made of 100% pragmatism.
9:52PM: Bernie says he wins polls against Trump way more than Hillary does. I know that's true, but it really doesn't seem sustainable. I understand why Bernie makes establishment Democrats nervous. He's a little uneven as a candidate.
9:53PM: Some lady just asked Bernie if he thinks god is relevant. When did the Republican debate start? We eventually got to how Bernie is very proud to be Jewish and then Bernie subtly compared Trump to Hitler. For the record, he really is more of a Mussolini.
9:55PM: The same lady asked Hillary for whom she prays. Seriously, what's happening right now? Fifteen minutes ago we were talking about science and climate change and now we're talking about who we pray for. Reign it in Coop!
9:58PM: I prayed for this debate to end and Coop mercifully answered my prayers.
Closing Statements
Bernie started out talking about how his dad came to this country with no money and then went on to talk about the wealthy and super pacs and political revolution.
Hillary did a thing about breaking down barriers. If you can find a way to believe anything she says, it was pretty solid.
