Your Arguments Are Bad, And You Should Feel Bad

Last Sunday I was finishing up a post about gun control and I turned on Fox News Sunday, just in the background, to see if I heard anything interesting.  What I heard can only be described as an avalanche of stupidity, a symphony of imbecility.  Senator Ron Johnson of Wisconsin let loose approximately 10 minutes of nonsense so detached from reality that I honestly couldn't keep up.

I decided to mention it a little at the end of what I was already writing and just move on.  I'm not going to take the time to sit here and pick apart every idiotic thing he said.  That would be...actually that would be really fun.  Let's do that.

Everything attributed to Senator Johnson below is a direct quote.

Right off the bat, first thing out of his mouth after the obligatory acknowledgement of the tragedy and sending his thoughts and prayers out - "he's a sick and demented, evil individual and unfortunately I don't think society can keep sick, demented individuals from obtaining any type of weapon to kill people."  He went on to reference explosive devices as a possible alternative weapon if guns weren't available.

OK yes, that's true.  Crazy people can also make bombs.  But we at least try to regulate bombs.  A person would have to break several laws in purchasing bomb ingredients, assembling a bomb and transporting explosives before they even got anywhere near a movie theater.  It doesn't mean we stop them every time, but at least we try.

Later in the same ramble - "this isn't an issue about guns".  Stop.  Stop right there.  You don't even get to finish that sentence.  I'm perfectly willing to concede that this isn't entirely about guns.  There's a really important conversation to be had about access to mental health care, for example.  But, when a guy walks into a theater with guns, and shoots people with guns, my personal opinion is that it's a little bit about guns.

And then - "I don't think there's a solution here in Washington to solve this problem." Yeah, I mean especially with Senator moron here running the show.  But what if we started voting for smart people?  Then there might be a solution in Washington.

"I wish I could wave a magic wand and make this tragedy go away".  I already addressed this in my last post, but it doesn't get any less dumb the second time you hear it.

"Criminals will always be able to get whatever they want."  I'm glad the Senator has completely given up on law enforcement.  Then he said it's not an issue about guns again, and then the real fun starts.


"It's really an issue of freedom.  And I swore an oath to defend the Constitution and part of that Constitution is the second amendment which guarantees the right to bear arms and these types of laws (referring to assault weapons bans) infringe upon that right."

I don't even know where to start.  So, does the second amendment mean I have the right to own any firearm with no restrictions.  Can I own a working cannon?  Can I keep a surface to air missile launcher on my lawn as long as I promise not to shoot at commercial aircraft?  Can I build my own missile silo in the backyard?  Or, can we all agree that maybe there's an obvious line of common sense we get to draw with this and every right, so nobody's attacking the Constitution when they ask if assault rifles might be on the other side of that line.

Chris Wallace then specifically asked him if something that would limit 100 round magazines infringes upon that right.  Senator Johnson says yes.  Then, again, "you simply can't keep these weapons out of the hands of sick, demented individuals who want to do harm and when you try and do it, you restrict our freedoms."  OK, so, just to be clear, Senator Johnson is saying we can't keep these weapons out of the hands of sick people but, more importantly, we shouldn't try to because, apparently, his right to to hunt deer with 100 bullets at a time is more important than my right to not be murdered.

Then Wallace asked him if we need more guns, not less guns - "It certainly is one of the rationales behind concealed carry, where criminals have to be a little concerned before they commit a criminal act that maybe somebody could stop them, and I think that is the truth, that if somebody, a responsible individual, had been carrying a weapon maybe, MAYBE, they could have, ya know, prevented some of those deaths and some of those injuries, and that's just the truth."

This particular run-on sentence was a masterpiece of numbskullery.  Ron Johnson is the Mozart of nonsense.

1) I'm not sure "truth" is the word he was looking for on either occasion there.
2) I addressed the whole public shootouts thing in my last post too.  To which a friend of mine from when I was a kid added: "if you had a kid, would you want everyone on the street to have a gun and have to worry about it every day."
3) Could the death and injury toll have been lower if someone in the theater and had shot back and stopped the shooter?  Maybe.  But if neither of them had a gun, then the death and injury toll would be zero.  Are we really willing to accept "less dead and less wounded" as our ultimate goal?
4) I think we're overestimating the ability of people to shoot each other.  Yes, crazy people shoot people, but that's why we call them crazy.  Most regular people, even if they own a weapon, aren't cut out for actually shooting a person, even if that person is shooting other people.  It's not as easy as conservatives fantasize about it being.

Still three minutes left...

In response to Senator Feinstein's point about the assault weapons ban basically making an exception for every hunting rifle ever made - "but the result of that ban...it didn't solve any problems.  I mean, we've had bans here in Washington DC, we've had bans in Chicago, and you can argue statistics but, ya know, I take a look at the statistics and I say it has no measurable effect, you can actually argue that it's made matters worse...but I don't want to get into statistics"

There's more, but I'd just like to point out this little verbal judo move the Senator just pulled.  First, he brought up statistics and suggested that the statistics show he's right and the assault weapons ban had no effect.  Then, as Senator Feinstein was attempting to jump in to point out that he was lying, he immediately decided he didn't really want to talk about statistics.  And, of course, Wallace let him get away with it.  What happened to you Wallace, you used to be cool?  Anyway, he continued...

"...we are talking about basic freedoms and the Constitution's second amendment."  Just show me in the second amendment where it says we have a right to assault rifles with 100 round magazines.  You know what Thomas Jefferson would say if he saw you firing an AR-15 rifle?  I'm not sure, but I think it would be something like "holy shit! Are you some kind of fucking wizard?"  because they didn't have assault rifles when they wrote the second amendment.

And then my favorite part right at the end - "I really would hate to see a tragedy like this used to promote a political agenda to reduce Americans' freedom.  Enough of our freedoms have already been taken away, we don't want to lose any more."

Other than my freedom to die if I'm too poor to afford health care (which we all admit Barack Obama is ruthlessly trying to steal from us), I'm begging conservatives to tell me what freedom of mine has disappeared in the last three and a half years.  I mean, I know I've seen some people desperately trying to take rights away from women, but I don't remember that being Barack Obama.  Although, I guess Republicans would argue that Barack Obama is trying to rob American women of their right to shut up and do whatever their husbands tell them to do.  What, you don't have a husband?  Well then who tells you what to do, and why are you such a slut?  Where was I?  Oh yeah, freedoms!  I still can't think of any freedoms that I'm missing, but I guess that's what makes Barack Obama so damn good.

I'm done with Senator Johnson for now, but I hope he runs for President next time or something, he's just so much fun.

Tea Party Conversations: Life

Generic Republican: We're pro-life, join us in working to protect life in America!
Prospective Tea Person: I'm pro-life!  Are other people anti-life?
Generic Republican: Well, maybe not anti-life, but they won't fight to protect it.
Prospective Tea Person: What do you mean?
Generic Republican: Liberals and democrats are pro-abortion.
Prospective Tea Person: I thought they were just pro-choice. 
Generic Republican: That's what I said.
Prospective Tea Person: Is being in favor of a woman's freedom to choose the same as being pro-abortion?
Generic Republican: Yes, yes it is.
Prospective Tea Person: OK, well I'm with you there, I don't like abortion.
Prospective Tea Person: But if you're pro-life, why are you against environmental regulations?
Generic Republican: Environmental regulations kill jobs.  The President and the EPA are destroying the economy just to save some birds and fish that nobody's ever even heard of.
Prospective Tea Person: Oh, so it's like you're protecting the lives of the jobs?
Generic Republican: Yes, exactly!  I should write that down.
Prospective Tea Person: So when you say you're pro-life, you're really talking about human life.
Generic Republican: Exactly.
Prospective Tea Person: OK, I can get on board with that.  Birds are stupid.
Prospective Tea Person: So, you're against the death penalty, right?
Generic Republican: Well no, we're definitely for the death penalty.
Prospective Tea Person: How is that pro-life?
Generic Republican: The death penalty only kills people who already killed someone else.  The bible says an eye for an eye.
Prospective Tea Person: Doesn't the bible also say only god gets to kill people, and something about turning the other cheek?
Generic Republican: I...umm...I don't remember those parts.  Listen, the death penalty is about justice.  You're for justice, aren't you?
Prospective Tea Person: Of course I am, I love justice!
Generic Republican: Do you want murderers to go unpunished?
Prospective Tea Person: Well no, but...
Generic Republican: OK then, I'm glad we settled that.
Prospective Tea Person: But what about health care?
Generic Republican: What do you mean?
Prospective Tea Person: You're against health care, but doesn't health care protect life?
Generic Republican: I'm still not following you.
Prospective Tea Person: Well, I mean, if you're pro-life, wouldn't you be in favor of people having health insurance so they can stay alive longer?
Generic Republican: The liberal media has you all confused. Health care isn't about people staying alive, it's about freedom.
Prospective Tea Person: Freedom?
Generic Republican: Yeah, freedom.  The freedom to choose whether or not you want health insurance, and where you want to get it from.
Prospective Tea Person: I heard most uninsured people don't have insurance because they can't afford it because they're poor.
Generic Republican: No, that's a lie too. Poor people are a liberal myth, Rick Santorum ended poverty like 10 years ago.
Prospective Tea Person: I'm glad to hear that.
Prospective Tea Person: So health care has nothing to do with life?
Generic Republican: That's right, it's all about freedom. You like freedom, right?
Prospective Tea Person: Hell yeah!
Prospective Tea Person: But wait, when we were talking about abortion, I was asking about freedom of choice and you were saying that was a bad thing.
Generic Republican: No, that's different.  Abortion isn't about freedom, it's about life.
Prospective Tea Person: Everything is about something different, I'm so confused.
Generic Republican: I know, it's OK, it's a little confusing at first.  All you need to know for now is we're the tea party, we're pro-life, and now we're going to go protest against health care.  Trust me, it makes perfect sense.
Prospective Tea Person: OK
Generic Republican: Great! Welcome to the tea party.  Here's your misspelled sign!
Tea Person: Yeah!

Socialism: Day One

The first weekend of the NCAA tournament is the best weekend of the year, and I'm not even a huge college basketball fan. Under the circumstances, I think it was perfect timing. It was like one last great American party before everything changed. Late last night, the House of Representatives passed the health care bill, which means we're now a socialist country, and we don't get to enjoy cool American stuff like the NCAA tournament anymore. It makes perfect sense, because, when I think of socialist/marxist/communists, like say, Hitler and Stalin, I immediately think "health care".

I have to say though, my first day in the United Socialist States of America has been a little disappointing. I mean, look, I'm not happy about being a socialist now, I really liked the old America. But, I've decided to adopt a positive attitude and make the best of our new system of government. I know it's only been one day, but so far, I feel like I'm not getting what I was promised.

I still had to get up and go to work today. I didn't think I'd have to do that anymore. I was expecting the government to just send me some free money that I didn't have to work for. It's a good thing I took a day off on Friday. If I had been at work Friday, knowing socialism was coming on Sunday, I might have quit my job. Without a job or my free government money, I'd be totally screwed right now. Maybe my free money will come at the end of the week, like pay checks do. I'll be waiting.

What about President Obama's death panels? I was sure the government was going to start killing everyone's grandparents as soon as this bill was passed. So far, I don't know of anybody in my family being put to death by the government. It could be that I just don't know about it yet, but I feel like my mother would have called.

"Gee, Sean, lack of death panels doesn't seem like a reason to be disappointed". True, but we all know the death panels are coming, they were a key component of the bill. It's sort of like when you were a kid and you did something really bad. You knew your parents were going to punish you, but then they didn't right away. You spent the rest of the day terrified, just waiting for them to do something. I feel the same way now. I know the death panels are coming, I wish the President would just get it over with. Right now, we don't know who's going to die, or when, or how. This waiting seems cruel and unusual.

Speaking of death, I know for a fact that freedom died yesterday. Republicans in Congress were very clear about this. It's bad enough that I was apparently not invited to the funeral, freedom and I were pretty close, but I haven't even seen a lot of TV coverage. Fox is the only channel really talking about it, and they seem more in denial than anything else. TV covered Michael Jackson's death for like two weeks. Hell, the death of Corey Haim got a few days. Nothing for the death of freedom? I'm disappointed.

Also, since Republicans on TV have been telling me that we're heading toward European-style socialism, I was expecting something with soccer. Europeans love soccer, and I assume it's a key part of their particular brand of socialism. I was expecting something like a $1,000 check in the mail, in exchange for which I would be required to attend and enjoy soccer games. There's soccer happening outside my window right now and, well, I still hate it. Now, I haven't received my soccer subsidy yet, so maybe my feelings will change when it arrives.

What about all the slavery reparations? Glenn Beck was adamant about this bill being part of a secret plan to redistribute wealth in an effort to make reparations for slavery. Shouldn't there be a guy at my door collecting money? Maybe because my family wasn't here until the 1900's I get out of this one. That kind of makes sense, but I don't know, Glenn didn't say anything like that, and he said he was telling me the whole truth. I'll have to check the text of the bill. (Glenn, by the way, is in full tantrum mode right now, it's hilarious)

As a matter of fact, I haven't even noticed a drastic change to my health insurance yet. I think I'm still on the same plan I had last week. I thought they were sending a government bureaucrat to come stand between me and my doctor (in my case, it's an imaginary doctor, because I don't go to doctors and you can't make me). Maybe I'll try to make a doctor's appointment later this week, just to see how crazy and different it is.

I don't know. Maybe socialism is like quitting smoking. When people quit smoking, they don't just magically become 100% healthy right away, it takes a little time. Maybe I should just be patient and wait a few weeks. Or maybe this bill's full socialist effect won't happen until the Senate is done passing the reconciliation fixes. That's certainly possible.

The only other possibility is that Republicans and TV conservatives were lying to me about what was going to happen when this bill passed. No, no that's ridiculous. What kind of person would make up lies to try and defeat a bill that aims to insure over 30 million people? What kind of monster would go on TV, day after day, and hammer a health care bill just to further their own career? No, I don't think any of my TV friends would do that...

OK, OK, I've had my fun. Do I have any serious thoughts about the bill?

1) I don't love this bill, but I'll buy it as a step in the right direction. The pre-existing condition thing is solid policy. So is the part about not kicking people off their plans when they get sick. Allowing kids to stay on parents' policies longer in this economy is a nice touch too. I'm not sure why most of the other good stuff doesn't kick in until 2014, but it probably has something to do with our government being barely functional.

2) I really don't like the individual mandate. I know it's hard to affordably insure sick people without making healthy people be part of the pool. That doesn't mean I have to like it. There isn't a little fine print section at the end of the Constitution that reads "*feel free to violate this document if it makes doing what you want to do too hard". I wonder about Constitutional challenges here. I'm sure I could find something in article one, section eight to uphold this, but, as you may have noticed, I'm not actually on the Supreme Court, so what I can find doesn't matter all that much.

The only thing that blunts my problem with this is the fact that I don't feel like I've ever had a choice. I've had three jobs that provided benefits. All of them just signed me up for a plan, they didn't ask me if I wanted one. Maybe I had to ask about it, like the secret menu at in-n-out burger. Oh well.

3) I especially don't like the individual mandate without a public option. We're basically just forcing everyone to buy insurance from the companies that are already screwing us. Only now we're making it slightly harder to screw us and we're providing subsidies (for the buying, not the screwing, I think).

4) This whole abortion thing is stupid. First of all, it's apparently a nonsense debate because, for reasons I obviously don't fully understand, federal funding of abortion is already illegal. Undeterred by reality, yesterday, Congressman Mike Pence (R-Imagination Land) said it is "morally wrong" to use the tax dollars of pro-life Americans to fund abortion. Really, moron? Quoting one of my all-time favorite TV characters, "I don't know where you get the idea that taxpayers shouldn't have to pay for anything of which they disapprove. Lots of them don't like tanks, even more don't like Congress." Is it morally wrong to use the tax dollars of anti-war Americans to fund the military? Of course it isn't.

Someone should have the authority to immediately throw people like Pence out of Congress for stupidity (put that on my list of dream jobs, right near the top too). Either that, or we should send Pence, Michelle Bachmann and Steve King (not the crazy novelist, the crazy Congressman from Iowa) down to the basement of the Capitol to guard the bee whenever Congress is trying to do something serious.

Bachmann: "Duh, Mike, why are we down here?"
Pence: "Aw geez, I told you Michelle, to guard the bee."
King: "But whyyyy?"
Pence: "You guys are pathetic. No wonder Pelosi made me head bee guy."

5) Speaking of abortion, I don't understand how these Republicans can all be against giving more people health insurance. Aren't these the "right to life" people? I'm positive I've seen that on a Republican sign somewhere. Won't it be easier for people to exercise their right to life if they can, you know, stay alive?

6) My favorite part of Health Care Day (that's what I'm calling yesterday, I think it'll catch on) was MSNBC's brief coverage of tea party idiots trying, and apparently failing, to spell out the word "no" on a lawn near the Capitol building. I'm sure they got it right eventually, and MSNBC was probably just mocking them a little to gloat. It was still funny though.

On a more serious note, these tea morons have me seriously considering changing my party affiliation from Republican to Independent. I'm still up in the air about it. Congratulations tea people, you are so ridiculous, so blatantly racist and ignorant, you've got me considering leaving a party that I was willing to share with fundamentalist christians.

7) How many times in the next seven or eight months do you think a Republican somewhere will say the bill was passed in the middle of the night or under the cover of darkness (spooooky!)?

8) Finally, is it possible that the Democrats did something (gulp) politically smart? Follow me on this. Sometime early last week, the Democrats started talking about using this deem and pass procedure, which would have allowed them to deem the Senate bill passed through the House without actually having a direct vote on the Senate bill. Republicans freaked out, and rightfully so. We spent the rest of the week listening to Republicans complain about the process.

Then, Saturday, the Democrats announced they'd just pass the Senate bill with a regular vote. It almost seems like they intentionally tricked the Republicans into spending the last week of debate arguing about a process issue that never actually came up instead of making points about the weaknesses of the actual bill. This left the Republican message a little jumbled going into the vote. I think the Democrats just won a political chess match. Politically competent Democrats? Hold me, I'm afraid.