Tea Party Conversations: Labor Unions

Welcome to the first in my, let's say, 26 part series of tea party conversations.  OK, I don't really know how many parts there will be.  Like most things, I'll keep doing this until I get bored with it and then I won't do it anymore.   

Generic Republican: Those labor unions are trying to bankrupt your state.  Support us, and we'll take them on and put state government back in the hands of the people.
Prospective Tea Person: Wait, aren't labor unions made up of people?
Generic Republican: Well, are you in a union?
Prospective Tea Person: No.
Generic Republican: I didn't think so, union membership is way down in this country over the last 30 years, for some reason.  Unions are made up of other people, different greedy people who aren't you.
Prospective Tea Person: So you're saying labor unions are bad?
Generic Republican: Not exactly, it's just that they're too powerful.  They need to be put in their place.
Prospective Tea Person: How do you plan to do that?
Generic Republican: By stripping collective bargaining rights so they can't hold the state hostage.
Prospective Tea Person: But what good is a union if they can't collectively bargain?
Generic Republican: Exactly, we're not trying to destroy the unions, just take away their power, which is out of control.
Prospective Tea Person: Didn't labor unions play a huge role in building this country and the middle class?
Generic Republican: No, that's the liberal agenda re-writing history.  This country was built on American ingenuity and drive, and freedom and Jesus.
Prospective Tea Person: Oh, I like all of those things.
Generic Republican: Yeah you do.
Generic Republican: Anyway, we're really only talking about public worker unions, like those greedy teachers.
Prospective Tea Person: Don't public labor unions also include police officers and fire fighters?
Generic Republican: Those damn greedy teachers with their fat pensions and five figure salaries and summers off.  Don't you hate working in the summer?
Prospective Tea Person: I really do, it's hot and I just want to go to the beach.
Generic Republican: Beaches are filled with teachers all summer, just sitting in the sun being lazy.
Prospective Tea Person: Well, I don't like that, but isn't education important?  Shouldn't teachers be paid more and given more resources so they can teach our kids?
Generic Republican: There's that liberal media bias twisting reality again.  You don't need some teachers union and some big government bureaucracy to educate your kids.  Don't you know how to educate your kids better than the government?
Prospective Tea Person: Well yeah, but we still need good teachers.  I can't home school my kids, I have my own job.
Generic Republican: Sure. Listen, I wish we could pay everyone more, but we need to balance these state budgets, and this is the only way to do it.
Prospective Tea Person: But what if you just raised ta...
Generic Republican: NO!  No, no, no.  Don't even say it!
Prospective Tea Person: I'm just saying maybe you could balance your budget by taking in a little more money.
Generic Republican: You're talking about redistributing wealth, are you some kind of communist?
Prospective Tea Person: No, I didn't mean...I'm sorry I brought it up.
Generic Republican: It's OK, you're new.
Prospective Tea Person: OK, so I understand why you need to strip collective bargaining rights for unions, but then who will protect the rights of workers if unions can't?  How will they ensure that they're treated fairly?
Generic Republican: See, that's the problem.  These unions aren't about being treated fairly.  They've been using their collective bargaining power to gain an unfair advantage over everyone else.
Prospective Tea Person: Oh, I see.  So, really, you're just leveling the playing field.
Generic Republican: Now you're getting it.  Workers don't need protection anymore.  Nobody wants to exploit them, we just want things to be fair.
Prospective Tea Person: I like it when things are fair.
Generic Republican: Of course you do, everyone does. 
Prospective Tea Person: So, you have to balance the state budget, and the only way to do that is cut pay, pensions and benefits for public workers...
Generic Republican: Right...
Prospective Tea Person: ...but you can't do that if they can collectively bargain, so you have to strip their collective bargaining rights...
Generic Republican: Exactly...
Prospective Tea Person: ...and you're not really destroying the unions, you're just eliminating the unfair advantages they have now.
Generic Republican: Bingo! 
Prospective Tea Person: I'm glad you were here to set me straight.  Here I was thinking labor unions were looking out for workers and regular people.
Generic Republican: I'm glad I could help.  Welcome to the Tea Party, let's get you a tri-corner hat.
Tea Person: Yeah!