Undercard

I think it's perfectly fair to ask why we even have Vice Presidential debates.  What kind of person would decide who they're voting for based on what the VP candidates have to say?  And why would we let that person vote?  Honestly, I know they take over if the President dies, but who would bother to assassinate Mitt Romney?  He's basically just a Republican spokes-model, like Reagan was.  A conservative mascot.  It would be like assassinating Ronald McDonald.

So, why watch the Vice Presidential debate?  Well, because something might actually happen, and not just because Joe Biden is a gaffe machine and Paul Ryan lies every time he talks.  These guys only get one shot at this, and after the insane reaction to the first Presidential debate, they both have to feel like there's a lot at stake.  And also, yes, Biden's crazy sometimes, so there's that.

9:00PM: Before the debate on CNN, John King called Paul Ryan a strong advocate for smaller government.  No, that's still a lie.  Then some other guy called Biden "middle class, beer drinking Joe Biden".  He's not some coal miner from West Virginia, he's been in the Senate since he was 30.

9:00PM: OK, I'm going to start by admitting that I don't know who Martha Raddatz is.  I'm not the leading authority on debate moderators or anything, but I feel like that's not a good sign.

9:03PM: On the question of who the fuck the moderator is, my buddy Dave adds "according to Fox News, she caught the bouquet at Obama's wedding or something like that".  Well there you go.

9:05PM: It took approximately 37 seconds for Biden to mention that time when Obama ordered Navy Seals to shoot bin laden in the face.  Good move since Obama never actually got around to that last week.

9:07PM: Ryan says the Obama administration is projecting weakness abroad.  Yeah, all this face shooting and drone attacking looks really weak.  President Romney would go to other countries himself and kill terrorists with his bare hands.

9:09PM: Biden after a three minute Ryan ramble.."with all due respect, that's a bunch of malarkey".  Biden is bringing the zingers tonight.  He could also be a little drunk.  Either way, this should be pretty fun.

9:11PM: We're spending a lot of time arguing about the terrorist attack a couple of weeks ago.  The fact that this is a political argument is really a pox on both of their houses, and I really don't want to talk about it.

9:12PM: Ryan says we should not be apologizing for standing up for our values.  OK, well nobody's doing that, but we'll keep an eye out.

9:15PM: Biden cracks himself up.

9:16PM: Biden keeps calling Ryan "my friend".  Important note, in Delaware, "my friend" means "this douchebag over here".

9:17PM: Ryan on Iran working toward a nuclear weapon.."they're spinning the centrifuges faster".  Wait, is that how building nuclear weapons works?  I honestly don't know.

9:20PM: Biden just called what Ryan was saying "a bunch of stuff".  I think we need an HBO VP debate so Biden can speak freely.

9:21PM: Biden on Iran.."if we ever do have to take action the world will be behind us, and that matters".  Well, not to Republicans.

9:22PM: Biden keeps trying to interrupt every time Ryan talks.  It's really funny.

9:24PM: Stupid question "can you get unemployment under 6% and how long will it take?"  The correct answer is, no, and I have no idea how long it will take before everyone realizes that.

9:27PM: Ryan.."I think the Vice President knows that sometimes the words don't come out of your mouth the right way".  Zing!

9:29PM: We're in the middle of a who can tell the saddest car accident story contest.  Biden won, I think.

9:33PM: I'm starting to think Paul Ryan might not actually be Joe Biden's friend.

9:35PM: Ryan says there's an "Obamacare board" that will be in charge of taking money out of medicare.  There's nothing Republicans hate more than Obamacare boards.  Biden agrees with me saying "it seems that every four years I hear the same thing about these panels". Ha! Although, no matter what you think of Paul Ryan, comparing anyone to Sarah Palin is a low blow.

9:38PM: We're drowning in a horrible discussion about medicare and vouchers now.  I promise to vote for whoever stops talking about this first.

9:41PM: So far I'm still voting for nobody.

9:41PM: It couldn't be any more clear that these two guys can't fucking stand each other.  Biden's five minutes away from ripping his shirt off and challenging Ryan to a wrestling match.

9:45PM: Raddatz finally ended the medicare discussion, so I'm voting for her.  I'm a man of my word.

9:46PM: Are we calling the 2008 economic disaster "The Great Recession" now?  Is that a thing?

9:47PM: Ryan says we shouldn't tax wealthy people more because it won't pay for anything anyway.  I don't really know what to say about that except, so?  Can we just do it for fun?

9:51PM: I'm sorry, I got lost in Paul Ryan's eyes for a few minutes.

9:55PM: Just to be clear, by Paul Ryan's logic, we would never cut the defense budget or make any branch of the military smaller in any way, because it would always be a sign of weakness.

10:00PM: Simple distinction on Afghanistan policy.  Biden (and Obama): We're leaving in 2014, so get your shit together.  Ryan (and Romney): We're leaving when you decide to get your shit together, and we're hoping you do it by 2014.

10:01PM: When Paul Ryan turns on his television these days, he sees the absolute unraveling of the Obama foreign policy.  He needs to check out some other channels.  Has he seen honey boo boo?

10:05PM: Biden is literally yelling at the moderator now about when they pulled the surge troops out of Afghanistan.  If Obama did that he'd get hammered by everyone, but I feel like Biden gets away with it.

10:07PM: Paul Ryan can name any city in Afghanistan.  Just try him.

10:07PM: Biden cracks me up too.

10:10PM: Paul Ryan wants to arm the freedom fighters in Syria.  Right, because arming the rebels in the middle east always works out well and never backfires in any way.

10:14PM: Ryan says you only put troops on the ground for national security interests.  This from the party that invaded Iraq for shits and giggles.

10:15PM: We're talking about religion now.  BOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

10:16PM: I should be able to hit Paul Ryan with a shoe whenever he uses the word faith in the same sentence as the words science and reason, unless the sentence is something like "Faith is completely incompatible with science and reason".

10:18PM: Biden says he refuses to impose his religious beliefs on others.  Paul Ryan is baffled by that whole concept.

10:20PM: Republicans believe that reproductive rights (and marriage rights, for that matter) should be up for a majority vote.  I wonder if they'd feel the same way about freedom of religion if they suddenly found themselves in the minority.

Closing statements, mostly nonsense, but I really liked how Biden framed his demeanor.  After seeming kind of angry all night, Biden said, if he seemed a little frustrated, it's because of how Romney and Ryan see the American people.  I don't know if that's bullshit or not, but it was a hell of a way for him to wrap it up.

I'm not sure how to sum this debate up, except to say this.  Every time Paul Ryan was talking, Biden's face was saying "I hate you, I hate you, I'm gonna punch you, I hate you".  Every time Biden was talking, Ryan's face was saying "Oh crap, oh crap, he's telling people all the things I don't really want them to know about".  I would say that Biden was passionate, tough and didn't let Ryan get away with anything. I'd also say that Ryan came off as more affable and maybe more likable, although I think Biden helped himself out with likability at the end, and he's always kind of likable anyway.

I would have bet just about anything on the media saying Biden won tonight no matter what happened, so I assume that'll be the prevailing wisdom.  I kind of don't care because it's a Vice Presidential debate and it doesn't really matter.  See you Tuesday for the next real debate.