Another Round

You have to think the President is getting bored with this whole State of the Union thing.  You know at least once in the last week he sarcastically asked someone if he really has to do this every year.  I suggest he try breaking it up a little with some insult comedy:

"Good evening everybody...look at you weirdos.  I kid, I kid, but seriously folks, it's great to be here.  Paul Ryan's here tonight, give him a hand everybody.  Man looks like a muppet!  Haha, I kid Paul.  And Nancy Pelosi is here.  Nancy, why are you giving me the crazy eyes?  Oh that's right, that's just your face!  Zing!  I kid Nancy, she's the best..."

Here are some highlights from the pre-game:
1) Chris Matthews got through a whole sentence without saying the words Chris Christie.
2) Apparently there will be four Republican responses to tonight's speech.  Four.  Including one unsolicited response from Rand Paul on behalf of just Rand Paul.
3) Bill O'Reilly was yelling at someone.
4) Cory Booker arrived.  Booker 2016!!!

Most importantly, the President is going to announce that he's raising the minimum wage for government contractors.  That's fantastic.  You can't fix the whole economy by raising the minimum wage, and you certainly can't fix it by raising the minimum wage for just one group of people (though it is a big group), but the President, as the CEO of the federal government, is acting as a responsible employer.  Leadership by example, it's still a thing.

If the President is going to complain about Congress not doing anything (and I suspect he will continue to do that), then he has to be willing to do the things that he can do.  This is an example of a thing he can do and he deserves a lot of credit.  Especially since this wasn't some candy-ass 25 cents an hour raise. The minimum wage for government contractors is going up to $10.10 an hour.  That's not exactly ski trip money, but it might actually let people afford food every day.  I'm sure the Republicans will object.

And no, that isn't a cheap shot at Republicans.  If you oppose a raise in the comically low minimum wage while also supporting cuts to food stamps, then you don't give a shit about poor people being able to feed themselves.  Some things are really complicated, this isn't one of them.

9:04PM: The President's Cabinet has been entering the chamber for roughly 7 hours now.

9:05PM: Matthews says New York Congressman Peter King may run for President.  Please no.  I realize Peter King is what passes for a moderate Republican these days, but I promise you, he's still a crazy person.

9:06PM: By the way, I'm watching on MSNBC tonight just to see if they find ways to work Chris Christie into the actual speech.  I may switch over to CNN a few times just to check out whatever silly nonsense they're doing with graphics.

9:09PM: MSNBC has Al Sharpton on the pre-show panel, because that's necessary.  Also, it's 9:09PM and I'm still listening to the pre-show panel.  One year this speech is just going to be an hour and a half of people entering the chamber and then the Speaker saying goodnight.

9:10PM: Here comes the Prez!  Why is Eric Cantor always right behind him?  It makes me nervous.

9:11PM: The President is dishing out some pretty aggressive handshakes.  If you've got a hand, the President is going to shake it.

9:15PM: We started off with heart touching stories about hypothetical Americans doing hypothetical good things.  Today in America, the President stood up before Congress and said things that were probably true.

9:22PM: When the President says he's building ladders of opportunity into the middle class, that's not a metaphor.  Congress will only fund him for ladders, so the President is going to send you one and you can do whatever you want with it to try and make more money.

9:24PM: The President just spent a minute praising someone in the audience named Michelle Obama.  I wonder if he knows her.  I know a certain President who's getting laid tonight.

9:25PM:  Boehner isn't wearing an American flag pin!  Why isn't he being arrested and questioned?

9:26PM: Closing loopholes in the tax code you say?  Man, that's a great idea! Why hasn't anyone thought of that before?

9:27PM: The Republicans will clap for anything they don't have to do.

9:29PM: Did you know that small business owners are the greatest people in the history of the Universe?

9:30PM: Quick shot of David Vitter looking bored.  The State of the Union address is the longest amount of time each year that he has to go without a prostitute.

9:32PM: Biden and Boehner are exchanging fart jokes while the President talks about natural gas.

9:37PM: I swear I could watch Biden and Boehner for hours and never get bored.  The President just said he's appointing Biden to do something about job training.  Biden responded by looking at Boehner and shrugging his shoulders, then they both laughed about it.  What were they saying?  I have no idea, but I bet it was unintentionally hilarious.

9:38PM: After disarming everyone by mentioning Biden, the President quickly hammered Congress for cutting off long term unemployment insurance.  But the Congress has a good point here, unemployed people don't need money.  Food and housing are free, right?

9:43PM: The President points out that last year he asked Congress to make pre-K education available to everyone, and he's asking this year, because that shit didn't happen last year, and it isn't going to.  To be honest, I still don't see the appeal.  I think I learned to count in nursery school, but I suspect I would have figured that out on my own eventually.

9:46PM: "a mother deserves a day off to care for a sick child...and a father does too".  Look at the President being all gender inclusive and shit.  Next year he's going to try saying that line without it sounding like he almost forgot to add the part about the father and then just barely remembered it at the last second.

9:49PM: Here comes the part about raising the minimum wage.  This is such a no-brainer, but still only gets a sarcastic smirk from Boehner.  It's really a shame that both parties can't at least get together on this.  If you wonder why people are so cynical about government, this is a perfect example.  535 eight year olds could agree on raising the minimum wage, but that's only because there are no eight year old lobbyists....yet.

9:55PM: The President is openly challenging Republicans to come up with a health care reform idea of their own, and mocking their 40+ repeal votes.  Sarcastic and slightly mean Obama is by far my favorite Obama.

9:58PM: The President is in favor of calling your mom.  In about an hour, tea party Republican Mike Lee will tell you why calling your mom is an un-American part of the liberal feminazi agenda.

10:00PM: Congress will do anything they can to stop gun violence, as long as it doesn't in any way involve gun control.  I've come around to the sad conclusion that it's more likely Congress will fund buying a bullet-proof vest for every American than it is that they'll actually do something about guns, and I think the President has too.  He didn't hang around on gun control for too long.

10:03PM: Allow me to summarize the foreign policy part of every State of the Union since about 2002: "something something men and women in uniform...clap clap clap...ever vigilant...clap clap clap...ending whatever war we're currently fighting...clap clap clap...diplomacy...clap clap clap...nuclear and chemical weapons are bad...clap clap clap...Israel non sequitur...clap clap clap".

10:09PM: We seem overly concerned about Iran.  The President spent 15 seconds talking about gun violence in America, and half of that was Democrats clapping.  He spent at least 4 minutes talking about Iran.  Do you think Iran is 16 times more important then thousands of Americans being killed by other Americans?  I don't.

10:14PM: Republicans are all about helping veterans as long as they don't have to help them buy food.

10:16PM: I think we're coming in for a landing here, we've reached the touching human interest story part of the speech.  I'll give the President some credit though, he's not talking about some clown who opened a small business, he's talking about a veteran who appears to have had a hole blown in the side of his head.  Now that's a guy you point to during a speech!  That dude literally gave large pieces of himself for his country.  He got a two minute standing ovation.  Well deserved.

10:20PM: Chris Matthews immediately declared the speech "masterful".  Quick switch to Fox and the first word I heard from Charles Krauthammer was "embarrassing".  Cable news is fun.

10:26PM: I'm going to try and stick around for the Republican response, being given by Congresswoman Cathy McMorris Rodgers, who I have literally never heard of.  Apparently she's the highest ranking Republican woman in the House, so that's partially my bad.  But it's also partially MSNBC and Fox's bad because I watch a ton cable news and I've never once heard either network mention the highest ranking Republican woman in the House.

10:30PM: So far I've learned that Cathy McMorris Rodgers has three kids and used to work at McDonald's.  Not to be a dick, but if she was a dude would Fox feel the need to tell me how many kids she has?  Also, some guy on Fox just told me she's not the most polished speaker on Congress, which is sort of like when a guy gets picked in the NBA draft and the ESPN guys say he needs to work on his athleticism.

10:32PM: Brett Baier wouldn't shut up in time for Congresswoman Rodgers to start talking, so I missed her first sentence.  Didn't somebody tell her a man was still talking?

10:34PM: This is like some sort of middle-America nightmare speech.  I've already heard about apple picking and a county fair.

10:36PM: "Hi, I'm Cathy McMorris Rodgers and I apparently have no interest in actually responding to what the President just said so let me tell you my entire life story".

10:38PM: Republicans are working on a step by step immigration plan.  For those of you who aren't familiar with politics, that means doing all of the steps they want to do first and then forgetting about the other steps.

10:41PM: Hey, this lady seems perfectly reasonable.  Can somebody find out if she'd like to run for President?  Sure, she said god a lot, but so does every Republican.  In general, she seems not dumb and would definitely be a better option than Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio or Rand Paul.  The speech was sort of blah, but she was pretty solid.

OK, that's it.  This gets a little less fun every year, but that's only because nothing ever changes and we pretty much have the same problems every year, and that's not really my fault.