Restoring Sanity

The dynamic Stewart/Colbert duo are holding their rally to restore sanity this weekend. I'm not sure a big crazy rally is the best way to restore sanity. And I'm not sure doing it on a Saturday afternoon is the best way to get ratings. I'm also not sure I'm going. Actually, I'm sure I'm not going. I'm a fan of those guys, but I'm not a "drive seven hours to Washington on a Saturday to be at a rally I could watch on TV" kind of fan, ya know? There are only three things I'd get up at 7AM and drive to D.C. for:
1) Guns n Roses reunion
2) For some reason, they've decided to make me the President
3) Another Guns n Roses reunion

By the way, I think it's worth noting that when we talk about restoring sanity, we're really talking about relative sanity. The sanity of a time when oral sex was an impeachable offense. Not exactly totally sane, but way better than now. I mean, at least they didn't succeed in getting rid of President Clinton. If President Obama was caught with an intern, he'd be out of there faster than Joe Biden could say "oh god! I'm really not up for this! NOOOOOOOOO!".

Anyway, in my mind, there's only one way to restore sanity. Vote. Why? Because the lunatics always vote, in large numbers. I can only think of two ways we could keep the tea people from voting.
1) An all-day Tim McGraw and Toby Keith concert. This sounds like something we could do until you remember that Tim and Toby are on the tea people's side.
2) Shiny objects. This would also work in theory, but there are millions of them. If the rest of us spent next Tuesday distracting the tea people with shiny objects, then nobody would vote. At that point, Congress would have to declare a do-over or something.

I plan on driving almost two hours to vote. I'm not registered to vote yet in my new home state, so I'm driving all the way to southern Connecticut on election day to vote against Linda McMahon. I'm not calling shenanigans on myself for voting in a different state than I just moved to because, as I've previously written, Congress makes the laws for everyone and we all have to deal with their nonsense. I won't vote for Governor or state elections down there, I promise.

Why vote against Linda McMahon? BECAUSE SHE'S THE F*CKING WRESTLING LADY! That's why. I know the tea people are all about new faces and hating career politicians, but there's actually something to be said for having Senators that, ya know, know something about governing and public policy. I'd be the first person to argue that a former CEO could make a good President, Governor or Mayor. Those jobs are also chief executive positions, Senator is a totally different skill set.

So, as much as I'd enjoy tuning into CSPAN one evening next year and seeing Senator McMahon turn on Joe Lieberman by hitting him with a steel chair while Jim Ross declares the day's Senate session a "slobberknocker", I'm voting for the other guy. You can't go from drinking beers with Stone Cold Steve Austin and kicking guys in the groin to the Senate. I'm sure that's in the Constitution somewhere.

The great thing about election day is it's the one day we all really have an equal say. For months before the election, all the influence sits with the big campaign donors and the media outlets that are in the bag for one side or the other. But on election day, everybody gets one vote, and that's it (unless you live in Chicago). And if 75% of the country is not crazy, and we all vote, then logic dictates we should wind up with a relatively sane government.

But that isn't what happens. Instead, all the crazy people vote and most of the rest of us don't bother, especially when there's no Presidential election. The result? Crazy elections with crazy results. There's no way 50% of all the people in Michele Bachmann's district actually like her, it's impossible, she's certifiable. But the crazies all vote for her, and everyone else stays home. Next thing you know, some guy on MSNBC is telling me she might be the next Speaker of the House (that just happened on my TV, I swear) and I'm trying to find out how much a house in Ontario would cost me.

That's my 2010 midterm voting slogan. "Get off your ass and vote for the least crazy person you can find, because you never know who could be the next Bachmann". It has a nice ring to it.

PS...this is a mostly unrelated side note that doesn't have a whole lot to do with anything, but I need to get this off my chest. I watch about 10 minutes of news in the morning while I'm transitioning from asleep to awake enough to drive to work. I usually flip between Fox and MSNBC. I don't have much to say about the MSNBC show, it's just sort of there, which is really what a morning show should be. I'm not really in the mood for learning at 8AM.

On the other hand, Fox and Friends is absolutely the stupidest show on TV. I've decided it has to be intentional. There's no way three people could actually be that stupid, they would have burned the studio down by now. It's like listening to three 2nd graders complain about their teacher. In fact, I'm pretty sure I heard one of them called the President a doodyhead this morning (I could be wrong, I told you I'm half-awake while I watch). It's infuriating, but I can't look away sometimes. It's just so dumb, like a double rainbow of stupidity.

I still watch Glenn Beck sometimes too. He's so far removed from reality at this point I actually kind of feel bad for him. I guess what I'm saying is, I may have to ask my cable company to block Fox from my TV because I don't have the will power to turn it off myself, but I'm pretty sure it's going to break my brain soon.