U.S...Eh?

I've done this with football and baseball already, I wonder if this would work with hockey. Let's find out. Also, there's a NASCAR race going on one channel over, so maybe we'll check in on that from time to time.

The highlight of the pre-game show was a quick interview with Canadian Prime Minister Don Cherry (I may be a little off on his job title, whatever). They had him in some sort of dimly lit room, I think so his outfit didn't blind anyone. The lowlight? A miracle on ice highlight package. Maybe it's because I'm not old enough to remember it, but I couldn't be more tired of hearing about that. Yes, I get it, we beat the Russians. Good for us. Another great triumph over a nation that could barely feed itself. Hooray.

The venue for most of the hockey has been Canada Hockey Place. Isn't that sort of like saying "the part of America where people are fat". Is anywhere in Canada not a hockey place? No matter how this game ends, I don't see a lot of people in Canada going to work tomorrow, I guess is what I'm saying.

The teams are just sort of feeling each other out for the first chunk of the first period. I think this is why hockey has trouble getting new fans. If you've never seen a hockey game before, it's hard not to get bored with these long periods of skating back a forth with nothing really notable happening. If I had to pick a key player for the U.S., I think it'd be Phil Kessel. I really like Kessel, he's fast, a playmaker. I think a U.S. win involves a goal or a least a big play from Kessel.

I feel like, if I ever date a Canadian girl, I'll never be able to break up with her. I would enjoy a Canadian accent in my life so much, I don't think there would be anything she could do to get rid of me.

I do not like the U.S. uniforms, at all. The blue is too dark, and the white helmets are ridiculous. And there's hardly any red at all. What's up with that? If they gave out medals for uniforms, the U.S. would definitely not win.

Ryan Callahan and Chris Drury are playing on the same line for the U.S. Rangers fans can tell you that line won't be scoring any goals. That reminds me, I don't know if I can go back to watching Rangers and Devils games after this. I may need a quick buffer period before I go back to the NHL.

1-0 Canada! There's absolutely no noticeable run up to most hockey goals. Things are just sort of gliding along and then BAM!, there's a goal. Scored by Jonathan Toews (pronounced Tays, um, OK). Shortly after, the U.S. took a penalty on a tripping call I didn't love. Power play! Power plays are the best. This particular Canadian power play was uneventful, good kill by the U.S.

So the first period ends 1-0 Canada. Not the most eventful period. The U.S. doesn't really look aggressive enough. Last Sunday they were all over the Canadians with the forecheck. Today? Not so much. Sounds like Milbury agrees with me, based on his long involvement with the Islanders, I'm not sure I should feel good about that. Also, they just mentioned that, during the pre-game, Roenick said this was maybe the most important hockey game ever. Calm down, big guy.

Quick NASCAR look-in. Hmmm, the cars seem to just be going around in a big circle. Must be warm-ups or something. I did learn that today's race is in Las Vegas. So, Vegas is full of rednecks this weekend. I feel like "NASCAR weekend in Vegas" is a good reality show we're missing out on. Still going around in circles. We'll check back later.

By the way, wouldn't zamboni races be an awesome winter Olympic event? They could have timed races, like speed skating, and some head-to-head events. People would love this, it would be at least as popular as curling. You know I'm right about this. Are you telling me you wouldn't watch that? I don't believe you.

Nice stop by Miller on Iginla after a turnover. The second period is looking a lot like the first period so far. By the way, if any of the other teams were in this game instead of the U.S. and Canada, the names would prevent me from even trying to do this. I don't think I could spell Ovechkin correctly if you gave me six chances.

Another Canadian power play. That one looked better than the last one, but no goal. The U.S. blocks a ton of shots. That must hurt so much. I'm honestly not sure I could do that. Anyway, good kill by the U.S. and they get their own power play immediately after.

The U.S. power play was a bit of a mess, and shortly after, BAM! 2-0 Canada. That happens so often in hockey, successful penalty kill followed by a goal. U.S. goalie Ryan Miller has the "hey, what happened to all those goals we were scoring" face going. This isn't looking great for the U.S. right now, they're starting to put the Molson on ice. But, the U.S. just got another power play. This one's pretty important, I feel like they need a goal here.

That power play was awful, at least until the last 30 seconds. It's also getting a little chippy out there. Too bad there's no fighting in the Olympics. In the NHL, this would be a perfect time for the Americans to pick a fight and try to get some energy going.

They're not doing any commercials during the game, good job by NBC. Two funny things. First, this turns the intermissions into commercial torture chambers. Second, the players still seem to be taking commercial breaks. Right now we just got a random 90 second stoppage in play for no particular reason.

And then....BAM! 2-1 Canada. Nice deflection by Kesler on a Kane wrist shot. Other than Miller, I think Patrick Kane has easily been the best American player in this tournament. The announcers just pointed out that the U.S. scoring play was offside. Can someone pour them a nice glass of shut the hell up?

The Americans just missed tying the game by maybe six inches, maybe less. Then Canada missed a 3-1 lead by no more than 3 inches. It's really hard to do hockey justice in words. The action just builds slowly, every minute is just a little more exciting than the last one. As we end the second period, it's 2-1 Canada. I use the word awesome a lot (I think it's because I grew up near the beach), but awesome doesn't begin describe what's about to happen.

Another quick NASCAR check. Circles...circles...circles. OK, enough. I kid because I care, I actually don't mind NASCAR. It's sad that NASCAR eventually has to be a casualty of us running out of oil. Those cars get like one mile per gallon. I wonder if they'll try it with electric cars or bicycles for a year before they give up.

The Americans forgot to bring the momentum they had with them at the end of the second period with them for the third. Canada was sort of in charge of the first five minutes, and then another commercialess commercial break. Sidney Crosby's making me a little nervous right now. He hasn't done anything great yet, he rarely gets through a game without doing something amazing.

Great stop by Miller on Heatley at about the ten minute mark. I really thought Canada had one there. Canada is still in charge and the Americans are running out of time. I think I'd start double shifting the Kane line, they've been great all tournament. The crowd is starting to buzz a little more. I'd honestly feel sorry for Canada if the U.S. pulls this one out.

Nice shift by the Kessel line, I'm still keeping an eye on him. Under six minutes, still no big pushes from the Americans. Under five minutes now, and another commercial free commercial break. Could this game end 2-1? I didn't think so ten minutes ago, now I'm starting to wonder.

OH MAN! Breakaway by Crosby, great pursuit by Kane and Crosby really didn't get a shot. How close was that? Hockey is just the shit. This is better than 10 superbowls and 30 NBA finals.

OK, about a minute and a half to go and Miller just went to the bench for one of the best phrases in all of sports, the extra attacker. Looks like the U.S. is finishing with the Kane line plus Parise and OHHHHHHHHH! 2-2! Parise banged one in off a rebound and, holy crap, we're getting gold medal game overtime. Every other channel on the TV should stop whatever it's doing and let people watch this. Roenick summed it up best; "someone is about to be a national hero". Roenick is super pumped right now, he may need a sedative.

So, umm, I'm gonna go watch some hockey now. I'll be back to tell you how it ends.

What did I say about Crosby? Gold medal winning goal, right in the middle of overtime. Man, tough break for the Americans, but a silver beats expectations for them and they don't have anything to feel bad about, Canada just had a little more talent. I can't wait to see the medal ceremony, this Canadian crowd is in full riot mode. Also, this was, absolutely, the best thing that's ever happened on my TV.