Hot Stove Episode Three: Return Of The Hot Stove

Welcome to my last bit of commentary on baseball's incredibly fun off-season. In about a month, I'll do pretty big season previews and picks for both leagues. But that's next month. For the moment, let's wrap up the hot stove league and get ready for pitchers and catchers.

Now, I'm a pretty rational guy. Sure, I sound pretty confident in my opinions, and I do like calling people stupid (especially the stupid people, they're so stupid), but if you come back at me with a rational argument, I'm usually at least willing to debate respectfully. When it comes to baseball, however, you can either agree with me or you can sit there and be wrong, it's up to you (OK, if I'm going to keep doing this for a while, I'm gonna need a sarcasm font).

Let me first say that I now understand why sequels are usually not as good as the first movie, and why the third movie in a trilogy is usually even less...as good. Neo can't discover the matrix again, Michael J. Fox can only go back to the future so many times before we stop caring, nerd revenge gets boring after a while and John Lackey and Jason Bay can only sign with one team (by the way, if you want to laugh your ass off for a good 20 minutes, go to wikipedia and look up a list of movie trilogies. The fact that people decided to make two more of some of those movies is life changing information. And if you want to laugh your ass off for hours and hours, go to a site called conservapedia and look up, well, anything). The trades and signings are less interesting by this point in the off-season, but luckily, like most trilogies, sometimes they're also more ridiculous (I'm looking at you Omar Minaya), and that's right up my alley.

I continue to love what the Seattle Mariners are doing with this off-season. They signed Felix Hernandez to a long term deal and picked up Casey Kotchman and Ryan Garko. The King Felix deal means they get three or four more years of his work before they have to start thinking about trading him to Boston or New York again. Kotchman is a better player than we've seen him be since he got shipped out of LA, and I think we'll see that this year if he gets to stay somewhere and be wanted for a full season. Garko makes a solid DH for whenever everyone figures out that Griffey is done (which should happen sometime around April 7th). In my first hot stove post, I said I thought Seattle needed one more bat. Since then, they've picked up three or four. Mission accomplished. I don't want to give away too much before next month's season previews, but I bet you can guess who I have winning the AL west this year.

Speaking of the AL west, the Rangers signed Vladimir Guerrero. I'm not sure what Texas is up to here. Every summer, a Rangers team that was promising early on falls off in August because they play in Texas and it's 110 degrees at night. Now they're stocking up on guys who can't stay healthy in normal human weather (Hamilton, Harden, Vlad). I like all those guys individually, but on the same team, in Texas? I don't see this ending well.

Speaking of not ending well, what the hell is going on with the Mets? Gary Matthews Jr.? Gary Matthews Jr.!?! I know it was sort of a panic move after Beltran had what appeared to be surprise surgery, but GARY MATTHEWS JR!?! The 35 year old who had one good season, and two more halfway decent seasons? And the one good season, 2006, was followed by his name being tied to an HGH scandal? I know they only had to pick up about $2 million of his salary. I wouldn't pay two dollars to have Gary Matthews Jr. play for my team. But don't worry Mets fans, because you also picked up Josh Fogg, Fernando Tatis and Frank Catalanotto. How long after signing his contract do you think it took Jason Bay to immediately regret that decision? Ten minutes? Five seconds? I feel sorry for Mets fans. If I was a billionaire, I'd buy them all ice cream, or strippers, their choice, whatever would make them feel better. What a disaster. If the Mets win 85 games this season, Jerry Manuel should get a lifetime contract extension and immediate admission to Cooperstown.

I've become slightly intrigued by what the Oakland A's are doing (when did this become the AL west blog?). I really like the Ben Sheets signing for them (sorry Mets fans, I thought I was done hurting you for today). Healthy Ben Sheets wins 17-20 games and makes the A's a contender, not healthy Ben Sheets means the A's do what we already expected them to do this year, not a whole lot. I like Coco Crisp for them too. I get fooled by Coco Crisp every year. I always think he's ready for a good year, I haven't been right yet, but I'll go to the well one more time. Their line-up still looks, um, awful, but the A's always look that way in February. Some years it turns out that way, some years we get surprised. We'll see, I'm interested though.

On to the usual Yankees/Red Sox border war. The Yankees added Randy Wynn, Marcus Thames and some other guys, including Royce Ring, who was a decently regarded prospect at one time and may be worth keeping an eye on. As a Yankees fan, I really couldn't be happier with how this off-season turned out. Right down to putting Joba in the bullpen and making Hughes the fifth starter.

Did you know the Red Sox picked up Jeremy Hermida? Me neither. It could be nothing, the Marlins apparently gave up on him, and they're pretty good with young talent. But Hermida was a big time prospect and he just turned 26. I'd keep an eye on that, Boston could have a real corner outfielder there. If I were a Red Sox fan, this Hermida thing would make or break the off-season for me. If he turns into a good everyday outfielder, you have to like the Sox. If he doesn't help them, they're one bat short.

Quick hits on some other transactions
Ryan Church to the Pirates: He had to be on someone's DL this year.
Big name Cuban pitcher Aroldis Chapman to the Reds: Um..what? That really came out of nowhere. Did the Yankees and Red Sox fall asleep? Is he the Cuban Hideki Irabu? I have to see how this plays out.
Aubrey Huff to the Giants: What's the difference between signing with the Giants and retiring? I'm not setting up a joke, I'm honestly asking.
Orlando Hudson and Jim Thome to the Twins: Unless those guys were signed because they have a secret plan to finish Joe Mauer's new deal, I don't care.
Brian Giles to the Dodgers: Hey, isn't that the guy who hit for the cycle the day Richard Nixon resigned?

Biggest free agents still available
Johnny Damon - Somebody's getting a pretty decent hitter once he lowers his ridiculous asking price, just don't expect him to steal 25 bases or play defense. He spent most of last season running like he was carrying Kevin Millar on his back.
Jarrod Washburn - Come on Mets, just throw your fans a bone. Washburn's a decent pitcher, and no one else seems to want him. You're going to need someone, at least to fill in while Oliver Perez is in AA working on his mechanics.
Russ Branyan - I'm a little surprised he's still out there. I wouldn't mind him as my team's DH. Just look at that cool name.
Pedro and Smoltz - I wouldn't touch either of these guys, but someone will.
Rocco Baldelli - I know, not exactly the biggest of names, but I'm keeping an eye on him. I haven't given up on Rocco. I remember Sports Illustrated once suggesting that Rocco could be the next Joe Dimaggio. That sounds like a guy someone could use.
Chan Ho Park - OK, that's it. When I'm considering writing a sentence about Chan Ho Park, you know it's time to stop commenting on the off-season and just wait patiently for spring training.