Political Nonsense

I think I need to clarify my concerns about Bernie Sanders a little before we start the first Democratic debate.  I don't actually care what Bernie thinks about guns.  As far as I can tell, there's no gun control law weak enough that Congress would even think about considering passing it, so what the next President thinks about guns would seem to be inconsequential.  We're stuck with guns.  Yay America!

My concern is that Bernie's position on guns is so off-brand for him.  Bernie isn't a talking points machine like Hillary Clinton or Jeb Bush, and that's part of his appeal.  He says real stuff.  You might not agree with all of it, but when Chuck Todd asks someone if they're a capitalist and they say no, it's a pretty good bet they're telling the truth and saying something they mean, because why would anyone running for President lie about that.  So, when Bernie talks about guns and I hear the same rambling political nonsense that I hear from everyone else, it feels really suspicious to me.  Why is he such a generic politician on this one issue?  Just because people like to hunt in Vermont?  I don't buy it.

I had a similar experience listening to Donald Trump a couple of weeks ago.  Trump, like Bernie, draws a lot of his appeal from not sounding like a generic politician.  But when Trump announced his economic plan, it was basically the same economic plan Republicans have been shopping for 35 years.  The magic power of tax cuts, paid for by eliminating loopholes. 

Politicians talk about loopholes as though they're some naturally occurring phenomenon.  As if we got to Washington D.C. in the 18th century and we were like "Hey, this looks like a great capitol, but these wild tax code loopholes are growing everywhere.  We can't get rid of them, so we'll just have to incorporate them into our government."  Tax code loopholes have been very intentionally created and the people who created them aren't just going to give them up because we ask nicely.

I expect to hear plenty of political nonsense tonight.  Hillary Clinton has a microphone and she is a category 5 hurricane of talking points.  I'll be interested to see what Bernie does and, as far as the rest of them go, maybe Lincoln Chafee will talk about the metric system again.  Let's get started.

8:31PM - In case you missed it, CNN saved a podium for Joe Biden in case he decided to show up at the last minute.  It's like the Democratic version of Passover.

8:32PM - Tonight's debate is being moderated by Anderson Cooper.  I have no feelings about that.  I don't like it, I don't not like it.  Anderson Cooper.

8:35PM - I tuned in at 8:30 because CNN said the debate started at 8:30.  Now it's 8:35 and I'm watching a commercial about South Africa.  CNN can't even show up on time for its own debate.

8:36PM - CNN just ran a graphic suggesting that this debate will be in keeping with great debate traditions like Lincoln/Douglas.  Settle down CNN.

8:40PM - They're seriously having someone sing the national anthem before the debate.  I need to know if the candidates had the opportunity to veto this idea because if they did, I'm already not voting for any of them.

8:41PM - Also, the person they got to sing the anthem was Sheryl Crow.  That's neither a joke nor a typo.  I have so many questions.  Where did they find Sheryl Crow?  Did they ask other people first?  Doesn't starting the debate with someone from 1994 prove that CNN is in the bag for Hillary?

8:46PM - Cooper started by asking each candidate to do their best Obama impression.  They were all incredibly racist.

8:47PM - Maybe it's just my TV, but Don Lemon appears to be wearing a beach towel cut into the shape of a suit.

8:48PM - Lincoln Chafee's resting facial expression is "goofy smile".  He looks like Shaggy from Scooby Doo.  I don't like his chances, is what I'm saying.

8:50PM - Hey, Jim Webb is here.  Jim was a marine in Vietnam.  I swear if this wasn't Jim's first public appearance since he announced his candidacy he'd be doing great.

8:52PM - Martin O'Malley started by touting his 15 years of executive experience.  OK but that was in Maryland, where the only real city was still on fire last time I heard.  The most brutally realistic drug/crime drama I've ever seen was set in Baltimore and everyone watched it and was like "yeah, seems about right."  I'm not sure this resume bullet is as impressive as Martin thinks it is.

8:54PM - After a few Republican debates it was jarring to hear someone say "thanks to President Obama" non-sarcastically.

8:56PM - Bernie Sanders is pro habitable planet.  It's sad that there's a whole political party that isn't.

8:56PM - When Bernie says he wants to take back our government, he actually tells you who has it.  That's a helpful tip.

8:58PM - Somebody told Hillary Clinton that people don't like it when she sounds angry.  She's going for the Lincoln Chafee permanent goofy smile, but she can't pull it off.

9:01PM - Coop asked Hillary if she'll say anything to get elected.  She gave a long answer, but the short answer is yes.

9:03PM - Bernie says he's going to win because he'll explain to people what a Democratic Socialist is.  I'm not sure Bernie understands how elections work.  Cable news won't stand for just calmly explaining where you stand on issues Bernie.

9:05PM - Coop pushed Bernie on whether or not he considers himself a capitalist.  Bernie said he's not part of the casino capitalism we have now.  I'm disappointed to hear Bernie hedging a little.

9:07PM - Cooper to Chafee "You've been everything but a socialist".  Chafee started saying he's been a block of granite on the issues.  Cooper interrupted saying "it seems like pretty soft granite".  Will Coop be heckling the candidates all night?

9:08PM - Coop made essentially the same point about Baltimore that I just did, without the Wire reference.

9:10PM - O'Malley's defense of his Baltimore record was genuinely interesting.  It made me want to learn more about Martin O'Malley and also crab cakes.

9:11PM - Webb says he's always supported affirmative action for African-Americans because of their unique history, but then he seemed to also be making the argument for affirmative action for white people from the Appalachians if they're poor.  Those two arguments don't really seem to go together.  I don't think white people in Appalachia were ever held as slaves.  To be fair, I'm not up on my Appalachian history.

9:14PM - Sanders just referred to himself in the third person while trying to somehow explain his position on guns.  I heard nothing to assuage my concerns.

9:15PM - Clinton hammered Bernie on guns.  His response was essentially "I'm from a rural state, so you don't understand things about guns New York lady".  Still not buying it.

9:16PM - O'Malley just said he passed gun legislation "not by looking at pollings or looking at what the polls say".  Sounds like Marty skipped debate prep.  Also, Marty has a habit of pointing out people in the audience and telling stories about everyday Americans.  You know how much I hate that.  Having said all that, Marty was really strong with his guns answer.

9:18PM - Bernie made another argument about rural Americans.  Marty went back at Bernie saying "it's not about rural".  I'm officially putting Marty in the maybe column.

9:20PM - Webb says average Americans deserve the right to protect their families...by getting into shoot-outs with criminals one assumes.

9:22PM - Chafee says we need to bring the gun lobby in to find common ground.  Good luck with that Shaggy.

9:23PM - Seriously, it's so weird hearing people say good things about President Obama in a debate.

9:23PM - Bernie just referred to Syria as a quagmire in a quagmire.  That pretty much sums it up.

9:24PM - Bernie says Iraq was the worst foreign policy move in the history of this country (I may be paraphrasing, but I also may not be).  He added..."some people voted for Iraq...cough cough...Hillary...cough cough".

9:24PM - Shaggy is also hammering Hillary on the Iraq vote.  To be fair, Lincoln was a Republican in 2003 so it was a crazy time for everyone.

9:26PM - Clinton..."President Obama made me his Secretary of State after he beat me in a primary because of my Iraq vote...are any of you looking for a Secretary of State?"

9:27PM - Bernie says a no fly zone in Syria is a dangerous idea.  He's probably right about that, but really, everything we do or don't do about Syria at this point is a pretty dangerous idea.  It's like waking up in the morning and finding that someone has filled your apartment with poisonous snakes.  There's really no good move at that point.

9:29PM - I'm no Hillary fan, but man, all of these guys were so right about Iraq in 2003.  Too bad none of them were able to do anything about it.  These guys need to take it down a notch or two.  There are five people on the stage, none of them were able to come anywhere close to stopping us from going into Iraq.

9:32PM - Webb is openly arguing with Cooper about the debate rules.  He also says that the biggest foreign policy focus in his administration would be China, and they don't own the South China Sea.  Sadly, I don't own the South China Sea either.  Webb sounds a little Trumpy to me sometimes.

9:33PM - I'm pretty sure Coop just caught Bernie not paying attention to the foreign policy discussion.  Focus up, Bernie!  People who don't like Hillary are counting on you!

9:36PM - Webb's a marine and I'm concerned that Coop might disappear during the first break.

9:37PM - Webb says you can't get to the Tripoli airport today.  Jim has a habit of wandering off the point, maybe this is why he doesn't do a lot of TV.

9:38PM - This whole thing about Sanders being a conscientious objector during Vietnam seems like a stupid question.  Wouldn't a President who isn't inclined to go running into war be a good thing?

9:40PM - Can we have a mid-debate elimination of Lincoln?  He's just getting in the way at this point.

9:41PM - Bernie says our greatest national security concern is climate change.  I'm not saying he's wrong, but I am saying that I'm becoming increasingly concerned that Bernie would get slaugthered in a general election. 

9:49PM - Bernie backs Hillary up on the email issue, saying that the American people are tired of hearing about Hillary's emails.  This whole exchange ended with Hillary thanking Bernie and doing her whole maniacal laugh thing.  For the record, I still think it's a real issue.

9:50PM - Shaggy thinks it's a real issue too.  Cooper asked Hillary if she wanted to respond to Shaggy, she said no.  We've all dismissed Lincoln at this point.

9:51PM - Coop wanted to talk about issues of race, so he went to Don Lemon for the first time.  CNN!

9:52PM - Do black lives matter or do all lives matter?  I saw Eric Bolling suggest that question on The Five today.  Good job CNN.  We all hate you.

9:53PM - Marty says if we were burying poor white kids in the same numbers that we're burying poor black kids, we'd have a very different response in this country.  Obvious point, but still true.  Marty is really growing on me.  I wish news people would have stopped talking about Trump for five minutes and introduced me to Marty before now.

9:54PM - Webb can't stop himself from complaining about the amount of time he's getting.

9:56PM - Bernie says we need to create millions of jobs by rebuilding infrastructure, raising the minimum wage to $15, creating pay equity for women and making college free.  I don't object to any of those things.

9:57PM - Hillary wants every American to have the opportunities her and Bill did.  That's sounds a little unrealistic.

9:58PM - Put Marty down for reinstating Glass-Steagall.  Put Hillary down for not doing that.  She says she's for letting regulators break up big banks if we think they pose a risk.  I think they pose a risk.  Is that good enough?

10:01PM - Hillary says she told Wall Street to "cut it out" in 2007.  How'd that go?

10:03PM - Marty is hammering Hillary on not supporting Glass-Steagall.

10:04PM - Hillary..."I didn't take a position on Keystone until I took a position on Keystone".  Yikes.  Then she said her and Barack Obama crashed a meeting with the Chinese in 2009.  That sounds like the worst Hangover movie ever.

10:06PM - These people love telling stories about things they said that nobody listened to.

10:07PM - Cooper to Webb..."you agreed to these rules and you're wasting time".  I'd like to watch a sitcom in which Cooper and Webb have to live together in a studio apartment.

10:07PM - Chafee's answer to why he voted to get rid of Glass-Steagall was that he had just arrived in the Senate and his dad had just died.  It's like he's trying to lose.

10:09PM - While Lincoln was talking I was just thinking about how often I'll imagine a Martin O'Malley/John Kasich election while I'm listening to Hillary Clinton and Marco Rubio argue about nonsense next Fall.

10:10PM - Dana Bash asked Bernie if he'd want free college for wealthy kids.  That feels like a stupid and unnecessarily divisive question, and Bernie answered it just fine.

10:11PM - Clinton..."I fully support social security", she added "I mean, that's what those pollsters over there told me I think".

10:12PM - Bernie supports social security too, but he's a socialist so that's not really a surprise.

10:13PM - CNN brought in an Hispanic guy to ask about immigration reform.  Seriously CNN, we all hate you.

10:15PM - Does Hillary Clinton want to open up Obamacare to undocumented immigrants and their children?  She talked for a minute and I'm not really sure.  I guess "sort of" was her answer.  That seems to be her position on a lot of things.

10:16PM - Same question to Jim Webb.  His answer after a pretty long pause..."I wouldn't have a problem with that".  I'm going to put Jim down for a "no, but I still think I can win so I don't really want to say that right now".

10:20PM - Talking about the Patriot Act now.  Lincoln's excuse for voting for bad bills seems to be "lots of other people did it too so leave me alone".

10:23PM - O'Malley on Edward Snowden..."whistle blowers don't run to Russia and seek protection from Putin".  That's basically what Hillary was saying, but she spent a minute not really saying it and Marty said it clearly in about 8 seconds.  Somebody get me every available piece of information about Martin O'Malley.

10:25PM - Chafee would change our approach to the middle east by not bombing hospitals and weddings anymore.  I think we all agree on that.  I'm fairly certain Barack Obama isn't aiming for hospitals.

10:25PM - Clinton on how she'd be different from President Obama...she has lady parts.  Coop immediately quipped "Is there a policy difference?".  One point for Coop.

10:26PM - Bernie said we need a revolution.  Webb responded by saying he has respect for Bernie, but he doesn't think a revolution is coming and he doesn't think Congress will pay for a lot of the things Bernie wants to do.  Solid points from Jim.

10:35PM - Hillary says she's not asking people to vote for her based on her last name.  True, that's really more of an implicit argument than an overt thing she's asking for.

10:36PM - Bernie pointed out his lack of a Super PAC.  Bernie pronounces Super PAC the same way your grandma pronounces Facebook.  Not exactly wrong, but not exactly right either.

10:37PM - Marty wants a 100% clean energy grid by 2050.  That seems like a long time from now.

10:38PM - Jim points out that we can't solve climate change by just fixing America.  I've made this point before.  Climate moves around.  You can't just stop burning coal in the United States and then everything's fine.

10:39PM - Bernie points out that fossil fuels are funding the Republican party.  To be fair, they're funding a good portion of the Democratic party too.

10:40PM - Hillary is telling her Hangover 4: Crashing the China Meeting story again.

10:41PM - Hillary says that paid family leave in California hasn't resulted in all the problems Republicans always say will come with paid family leave.  She followed up by pointing out that Republicans don't mind big government when it's telling women want to do about health care.  Alright, one point for Hillary.

10:44PM - Bernie "suspects" he would vote yes on recreational marijuana.  He followed with good points about the criminal justice system, but I got hung up on "suspect".  If Bernie has a suspicion about where he stands on marijuana, I know a guy he can ask to confirm it.

10:46PM - Is Hillary ready to take a position on marijuana now?  No, no she is not.

10:47PM - Bernie's plan for how to get Republicans to do stuff seems flawed.  Just get lots of people to ask them.  I feel like he's skipping a couple of steps.

10:52PM - Coop asked them all which political enemy are they most proud of making:
Shaggy - The Coal Lobby
Marty - The NRA (score another point for Marty)
Hillary - Of course she couldn't just give a straight answer
Bernie - Wall St. and the Pharmaceutical industry
Webb - An enemy soldier that threw a grenade at him

10:54PM - Marty's closing statement was killer.  I'm declaring him the clear winner, which probably means he'll drop out tomorrow.