Hot Stove Episode Three: Return Of The Hot Stove

Welcome to my last bit of commentary on baseball's incredibly fun off-season. In about a month, I'll do pretty big season previews and picks for both leagues. But that's next month. For the moment, let's wrap up the hot stove league and get ready for pitchers and catchers.

Now, I'm a pretty rational guy. Sure, I sound pretty confident in my opinions, and I do like calling people stupid (especially the stupid people, they're so stupid), but if you come back at me with a rational argument, I'm usually at least willing to debate respectfully. When it comes to baseball, however, you can either agree with me or you can sit there and be wrong, it's up to you (OK, if I'm going to keep doing this for a while, I'm gonna need a sarcasm font).

Let me first say that I now understand why sequels are usually not as good as the first movie, and why the third movie in a trilogy is usually even less...as good. Neo can't discover the matrix again, Michael J. Fox can only go back to the future so many times before we stop caring, nerd revenge gets boring after a while and John Lackey and Jason Bay can only sign with one team (by the way, if you want to laugh your ass off for a good 20 minutes, go to wikipedia and look up a list of movie trilogies. The fact that people decided to make two more of some of those movies is life changing information. And if you want to laugh your ass off for hours and hours, go to a site called conservapedia and look up, well, anything). The trades and signings are less interesting by this point in the off-season, but luckily, like most trilogies, sometimes they're also more ridiculous (I'm looking at you Omar Minaya), and that's right up my alley.

I continue to love what the Seattle Mariners are doing with this off-season. They signed Felix Hernandez to a long term deal and picked up Casey Kotchman and Ryan Garko. The King Felix deal means they get three or four more years of his work before they have to start thinking about trading him to Boston or New York again. Kotchman is a better player than we've seen him be since he got shipped out of LA, and I think we'll see that this year if he gets to stay somewhere and be wanted for a full season. Garko makes a solid DH for whenever everyone figures out that Griffey is done (which should happen sometime around April 7th). In my first hot stove post, I said I thought Seattle needed one more bat. Since then, they've picked up three or four. Mission accomplished. I don't want to give away too much before next month's season previews, but I bet you can guess who I have winning the AL west this year.

Speaking of the AL west, the Rangers signed Vladimir Guerrero. I'm not sure what Texas is up to here. Every summer, a Rangers team that was promising early on falls off in August because they play in Texas and it's 110 degrees at night. Now they're stocking up on guys who can't stay healthy in normal human weather (Hamilton, Harden, Vlad). I like all those guys individually, but on the same team, in Texas? I don't see this ending well.

Speaking of not ending well, what the hell is going on with the Mets? Gary Matthews Jr.? Gary Matthews Jr.!?! I know it was sort of a panic move after Beltran had what appeared to be surprise surgery, but GARY MATTHEWS JR!?! The 35 year old who had one good season, and two more halfway decent seasons? And the one good season, 2006, was followed by his name being tied to an HGH scandal? I know they only had to pick up about $2 million of his salary. I wouldn't pay two dollars to have Gary Matthews Jr. play for my team. But don't worry Mets fans, because you also picked up Josh Fogg, Fernando Tatis and Frank Catalanotto. How long after signing his contract do you think it took Jason Bay to immediately regret that decision? Ten minutes? Five seconds? I feel sorry for Mets fans. If I was a billionaire, I'd buy them all ice cream, or strippers, their choice, whatever would make them feel better. What a disaster. If the Mets win 85 games this season, Jerry Manuel should get a lifetime contract extension and immediate admission to Cooperstown.

I've become slightly intrigued by what the Oakland A's are doing (when did this become the AL west blog?). I really like the Ben Sheets signing for them (sorry Mets fans, I thought I was done hurting you for today). Healthy Ben Sheets wins 17-20 games and makes the A's a contender, not healthy Ben Sheets means the A's do what we already expected them to do this year, not a whole lot. I like Coco Crisp for them too. I get fooled by Coco Crisp every year. I always think he's ready for a good year, I haven't been right yet, but I'll go to the well one more time. Their line-up still looks, um, awful, but the A's always look that way in February. Some years it turns out that way, some years we get surprised. We'll see, I'm interested though.

On to the usual Yankees/Red Sox border war. The Yankees added Randy Wynn, Marcus Thames and some other guys, including Royce Ring, who was a decently regarded prospect at one time and may be worth keeping an eye on. As a Yankees fan, I really couldn't be happier with how this off-season turned out. Right down to putting Joba in the bullpen and making Hughes the fifth starter.

Did you know the Red Sox picked up Jeremy Hermida? Me neither. It could be nothing, the Marlins apparently gave up on him, and they're pretty good with young talent. But Hermida was a big time prospect and he just turned 26. I'd keep an eye on that, Boston could have a real corner outfielder there. If I were a Red Sox fan, this Hermida thing would make or break the off-season for me. If he turns into a good everyday outfielder, you have to like the Sox. If he doesn't help them, they're one bat short.

Quick hits on some other transactions
Ryan Church to the Pirates: He had to be on someone's DL this year.
Big name Cuban pitcher Aroldis Chapman to the Reds: Um..what? That really came out of nowhere. Did the Yankees and Red Sox fall asleep? Is he the Cuban Hideki Irabu? I have to see how this plays out.
Aubrey Huff to the Giants: What's the difference between signing with the Giants and retiring? I'm not setting up a joke, I'm honestly asking.
Orlando Hudson and Jim Thome to the Twins: Unless those guys were signed because they have a secret plan to finish Joe Mauer's new deal, I don't care.
Brian Giles to the Dodgers: Hey, isn't that the guy who hit for the cycle the day Richard Nixon resigned?

Biggest free agents still available
Johnny Damon - Somebody's getting a pretty decent hitter once he lowers his ridiculous asking price, just don't expect him to steal 25 bases or play defense. He spent most of last season running like he was carrying Kevin Millar on his back.
Jarrod Washburn - Come on Mets, just throw your fans a bone. Washburn's a decent pitcher, and no one else seems to want him. You're going to need someone, at least to fill in while Oliver Perez is in AA working on his mechanics.
Russ Branyan - I'm a little surprised he's still out there. I wouldn't mind him as my team's DH. Just look at that cool name.
Pedro and Smoltz - I wouldn't touch either of these guys, but someone will.
Rocco Baldelli - I know, not exactly the biggest of names, but I'm keeping an eye on him. I haven't given up on Rocco. I remember Sports Illustrated once suggesting that Rocco could be the next Joe Dimaggio. That sounds like a guy someone could use.
Chan Ho Park - OK, that's it. When I'm considering writing a sentence about Chan Ho Park, you know it's time to stop commenting on the off-season and just wait patiently for spring training.

Hot Stove Reloaded

Two quick, unrelated comments before I jump back into the baseball off-season. First, Gilbert Arenas already gets my vote for athlete of the decade. For anyone who doesn't know the story, Gilbert was accused of brandishing an unloaded firearm in the Washington Wizards' locker room. This made some people, most notably NBA commissioner, and possible secret world overlord, David Stern, very sad. We were all waiting to see how long Gilbert's suspension would be when Agent Zero decided to lead his team in making fake gun motions with their hands during a pre-game huddle. This may be the single funniest thing I've ever seen happen in sports, and it's absolutely the first candidate and current front runner for moment of the new decade.

I have a question though. Where are all the right-wing gun nuts coming to Gilbert's defense now that some people are calling for him to be banned for life from the NBA for bringing an unloaded gun to a game? The gun was purchased legally, his only crime was bringing it into the District of Columbia, where the gun isn't registered. This seems right up the ring-wing's alley. Oh right, the second amendment was only meant to apply to white people, I always forget that. You know I'm right about this(and not just because I'm always right about everything). If this was a clean-cut, mid-western, white player, Sean Hannity and Ann Coulter would be staging a sit-in at the next Wizards game, and you can't tell me any different. I know Gilbert Arenas is completely out of his mind and is quite possibly the very last person that should be armed, but the gun people don't know this, they're too scared of the NBA to find this out. And just to be clear, I'm not calling the NBA racist for suspending Agent Zero, they don't really have a choice and they'd do this to any player who did what Arenas did. I'm calling the gun people racists for suddenly being so silent about gun rights when it's a black guy.

Also, baseball just elected it's next hall of fame class. Congratulations to Andre Dawson, who deserves to be in both the baseball hall of fame and the nickname hall of fame (The Hawk, we don't have nicknames like that anymore, sports nicknames today suck). Big thumbs down to the voters for missing on Robbie Alomar. Unless you're old enough to have seen Rogers Hornsby or Eddie Collins play, Alomar is the best second baseman you've ever seen. How about batting over .300 nine times? How about 12 all-star games, 10 gold gloves, 4 silver sluggers and 2 world series rings? How about being a .300 career hitter even after decomposing on the field for three years with the Mets, Diamondbacks and White Sox? How about finishing in the top 10 in MVP voting five times? Or being a .313 career post-season hitter? Or 474 career stolen bases to go with his 210 home runs and 1,134 RBI?

How does he not get in? I don't understand how anyone sees the name Roberto Alomar on a ballot and thinks "no, not quite good enough." Is it really because he spit on an umpire once? Listen, I only played little league baseball, and if I'd punched every umpire I wanted to punch, I'd still be in prison. If he spit on umpires regularly, like once a week or something, then I'd say you have a case. But once? Come on. Moving on...

The Yankees traded for Javier Vazquez. I'm really torn on this one. I can see a lot on the positive side. First, I said last time the Yankees needed another starter, and Vazquez is better than any of the free agents still out there. Second, I've always been a big fan of Vazquez, and he seems to never get hurt, so he eats innings. Third, the Yankees got him for as close to nothing as you could get without just going to Atlanta and kidnapping him. Finally, he's coming off the best season of his life (15 wins on a mediocre team, lowest career marks for ERA and WHIP, 4th in Cy Young voting). All good things, right?

On the other hand, we've seen this movie before. And not just generically with pitchers coming over to the AL East from the National League, but with the actual Javier Vazquez. Here are Javier's ERA's and records in his four AL seasons:
2004 - 14-10, 4.91
2006 - 11-12 4.84
2007 - 15-8, 3.74
2008 - 12-16, 4.67
And the 2004 season was with the Yankees. This seems like a bad idea, right? If you caught chlamydia from a hooker six years ago, would you go back to the same hooker now just because she looks a lot cleaner these days? Probably not. And yes, I'm saying what Javier Vazquez gave the Yankees in 2004 is the baseball equivalent of chlamydia (I think this is a pretty good analogy, it's not the absolutely worst thing that could happen, but that doesn't make it good). In 2010? I think he can give the Yankees some solid innings, but I wouldn't keep my fingers crossed for more than 13-15 wins or an ERA below 4.

The Mets signed Jason Bay. I was mildly surprised by this. Which is handy, because Mets fans will be mildly entertained by Bay this year, and the team will be mildly improved. Bay can drive in runs, but it's not a magic trick, people have to be there for him to drive in. He's not a good outfielder, so I'm not sure Citi Field (roughly the size of Staten Island) is the best place for him. Basically, he makes the Mets better, but not that much better. He can't carry a bad team, but he can help a good one. Is the guy I just described worth $66 million over four years? I feel like he isn't. Especially when the Mets still need pitching.

The Mariners stayed busy, and they've officially become the team I'm watching closely. I loved the Milton Bradley move for them. Yes, now they have to sign somebody else to take over after Milton goes crazy. But until he goes crazy, he's the other bat I thought they needed. On the other hand, they traded Brandon Morrow to Toronto for Brandon League and a young outfielder. If the young outfielder turns out to be something, great. Until then, I'm not sure I get this move. This is a perfect example of a franchise drafting a guy with talent, completely destroying him to the point that they can't see ever getting anything out of him and then trading him for not that much in return. This happens a lot in baseball.

If I were a Red Sox fan, I wouldn't be wild about what the Sox are doing. Adrian Beltre and Mike Cameron? Cameron is pretty far past what was a mediocre prime to begin with. Beltre is a better player than people think, but not that much better. People say the Beltre signing frees up Mike Lowell for a trade. Trade Mike Lowell? For what? He's about to turn 36 and he basically lives his life in surgery. I still like Boston's pitching, but I'm not crazy about their line-up right now, and it looks like they're basically done.

Hideki Matsui and Fernando Rodney to the Angels: Blah. Matsui came pretty cheap, but still.
Brandon Lyon and Matt Lindstrom to the Astros: Picking up two closers doesn't help you if neither one of them is any good.
Mike Gonzalez and Kevin Millwood to the Orioles: I think the AL East could actually make Millwood cry. Mike Gonzalez scares me a little as a Yankee fan, luckily he's only healthy for about 4 games a year.

Finally, Matt Holliday stayed in St. Louis. I was pretty happy to see this. The Cardinals are a legit franchise, but they don't have all the money the Yankees and Red Sox have. I'm glad to see a big name guy sign on to stay there and play with Pujols. I think they probably overpaid a little for a guy who's probably a little overrated. I also think they're going to need a left-handed bat at some point. Still, I'm generally pretty high on this move. I'm a Yankee fan, but I'm also a baseball fan, I don't want one team to have all the good players, it's no fun that way.

Love and Baseball

Welcome to the first of what will probably be three or four comments on baseball's endlessly entertaining off-season. Baseball easily has the best off-season of any sport. Of course, the things that make the off-season so much fun, like the lack of a salary cap, also make the regular season less fun in the form of no hope for certain teams (Hello Pittsburgh!). So it's a trade off, but one I'm happy to take as a Yankee fan.

Now, I can't just plop a bunch of opinions about what's happening so far down in a blog entry and expect people to read it, where's the fun in that? I need an angle, some kind of idea. And luckily, I have one. I've always thought the off-season in baseball is very analogous to love. The courtship, the successes and failures, everyone trying to find just the right person, even though hardly anyone ever does. How some people are just hopeless (hello again Pittsburgh!). It think this works, so let's try it.

I went to a wedding last month. The two people who got married, they're the best couple ever, a winning combination, like alcohol and night swimming, or peanut butter and jelly (good jelly, not that crappy jelly that's hard to spread and gets all over everything except your sandwich. Maybe that just happens to me). Anyway, my point is, excellent couple, long happy life together. My buddy Steve told me he set them up, if that's true, he should scrap his going nowhere lawyering career and start up some kind of match making service.

This is how I feel about the Red Sox and John Lackey. Lackey's exactly the kind of surly bulldog type that Boston fans love and he's exactly the kind of surly bulldog type that won't care if they hate him (which, ironically, is why they'll love him). He fits perfectly into what will absolutely be the best rotation in baseball, and they probably still have the best bullpen in baseball. This is a good fit for Lackey, too. I've never been sold on him as an ace, I think he's a number 2. Beckett and Lester give him the kind of supporting cast that means he doesn't have to pitch beyond his ability, like he had to in Anaheim. So, as a Yankee fan, why aren't I bashing my head against the keyboard right now?

I have a theory. I think it takes two people to be in love. I don't think you can say you're "in love" with someone unless you have some reason to believe they feel the same way. You can have a crush, you can love someone, but you can't say you're in love with someone unless you can reasonably believe they're in love with you.

This brings us to Jason Bay and why I'm not scared of the Red Sox. I think the Sox would tell you they're in love with Jason, and why not. He's a great fit there, he drives in runs and keeps his mouth shut. He basically gives you about 85% of what Manny Ramirez gave you on the field while giving you 0% of what Manny gave you off the field. Problem is, I don't think Bay feels the same way. I think if Jason Bay wanted to re-sign in Boston, it'd be done already. He knows no one except the Yankees can outbid Boston, and the Yankees don't seem interested. I think Bay's looking for a way out of Boston. Maybe the town's too big for him, maybe the rabid fans annoy him. I don't know, but I don't think he's going back unless the offers he gets from other teams are really unremarkable. No second date for Bay and the Sox, sorry.

Sometimes you meet someone, and you'll do things with that person that you wouldn't do with anyone else (no, I'm not talking about that, get those dirty minds out of the gutter). I'm talking about, for example, somebody once got me to try sushi. I don't eat fish, uncooked fish? That's like double fishy fish. Would I do it again? Hell yeah! Why? Because sometimes what you're doing is far less important than who you're doing it with.

This brings us to Andy Pettitte. The Yankees just signed Andy to a one-year deal worth $11.75 million. 11.75 million dollars for a 37 year old, number three starter who went 14-8 last year on a really good team. Pettitte's last dominant year in the American League happened in 1997. He hasn't had an ERA under 4 in the American League since 2002. I can't imagine the Yankees wanted to spend next year paying $11.75 million for Andy Pettitte, but they will. Why? Because he's Andy Pettitte. The team loves him, the fans love him, he had a great post-season, he's Andy Pettitte. Do I think this was a really smart baseball move? No. Do I think Pettitte wins more than 12 games next year? No. Do I have a strong objection to this move by the Yankees? No.

Sometimes finding love means tough choices. Sometimes you meet someone great. They're attractive, interesting, fun, all the things you know you like. But, the two of you just don't click, you don't fit together, something isn't right. So, what do you do? Do you pass on what looks like a good opportunity because you know it doesn't feel right, or do you try to make it work?

This brings us back to the Yankees, this time, for Curtis Granderson. Lots to like about Granderson, speed, power, he's the legit center fielder the Yankees have been lacking. I just don't think he's the right fit. He's a career .272 hitter who hit .249 last year with a .327 on-base percentage, so he's not a top of the order guy, which means you still need to either bring back Johnny Damon or find someone else to hit second. Yes, he should hit 40 home runs next year if he stays healthy, but I think they gave up a lot for a guy who hits 5th or 6th next year, especially when hitting down in the order like that blunts the value of the speed he brings. Plus, he'll be 29 when the season starts, which means we may only be a couple of years away from stories about how he's lost a step and can't play center field anymore(I don't think people brought this up enough when the trade happened, I'd be about 13 times more excited about this if Granderson was 26). I think I would rather have taken Edwin Jackson in that deal. He's not a better player than Granderson, but he's a younger player at a more valuable position.

Sidenote: I heard yesterday Johnny Damon won't re-sign with the Yankees for anything less than they paid him last year. Bon voyage, Johnny. I can't remember the last time I saw a fast guy get so slow so quickly. It was like A.J. Burnett and Nick Swisher pranked him by putting 20 pound weights in his shoes, only he never figured it out and they never told him.

Speaking of tough choices, sometimes you have a choice between settling for someone who you're not that crazy about or going it alone for a while. Maybe you haven't met someone who's right for you, or maybe that person isn't interested, but either way, you have the choice between second best or nothing at all.

This brings us to the Mets. This whole franchise is some sort of bizarre debacle. I, by the way, don't hate the Mets, I don't understand why Mets and Yankees fans hate each other. I'm from New York, I want New York teams to win, if the Yankees aren't playing, I'm all for the Mets winning. This is an imagined rivalry promoted by idiots. Having said that, the Mets franchise is a total disaster. They play in the world's best city, and they have their own network, but John Lackey is too expensive. They couldn't get in on Roy Halladay because nobody wants anything in their farm system. Now, they seem to be focusing on Jason Bay. Unless Jason has decided to take up pitching, he can't really help them that much. Oh, but don't worry Met fans, they just signed some Japanese guy, that always works out great.

So what's left? They can sign one of the second rate free agents, Joel Pinero's my favorite, and I wouldn't hate him for the Mets, but he isn't a number 2 and doesn't bring what they need. They can make a trade, but they don't have anything good to offer, so it would have to be for someone who's current team doesn't like him that much and wants to dump his salary. Maybe Aaron Harang or Bronson Arroyo. Bleh. Mets fans, the best thing your team can do is stay single for a while, it may seem miserable at times, but you're better off, trust me.

Finally, the big three team deal (or was it two different deals involving the Phillies? Wait, don't answer, I don't care). I don't know if I have any love analogies for this one. Maybe some kind of weird three-way where two of the people don't really know each other that well, but they're putting up with it because they both really wanted to have sex with the third person. That doesn't necessarily have anything to do with love though, let's just get to the trade.

Speaking of love though, I love what the Mariners are doing. Cliff Lee for some prospects, I don't care what Baseball America thinks the guys they gave up could become, Cliff Lee is already Cliff Lee. I've always thought of Lee as a number 2 pretending to be an ace, so putting him on a team that already has an ace makes perfect sense. Felix Hernandez will be the best pitcher in the American League next year (I would have said best period, but Roy Halladay's going to the NL and might not give up a run all year). Great one-two punch at the top of the rotation, young arms to fill it out, Chone Figgins joins Ichiro to give them a fast and exciting top of the order (I'd bat Figgins lead off and let Ichiro get his 225 hits while Figgins and his speed are standing on base). I love this team, they need one more bat, but they're on the right track.

The Phillies? I'm not sure how I feel about this for them. Yes, Halladay is a real ace, so a bit of an upgrade. And yes, I think it's possible Halladay pitches to something like a 0.19 ERA in the National League (OK, I'm exaggerating, but honestly, can you tell me you can't see him having a Bob Gibson type season next year? It's at least possible, right?) And Halladay gives them a righty to go with Cole Hamels, who should bounce back next year and still has a good career ahead. But all they gave up? Including their best pitching prospect, just to upgrade from Lee to Halladay? I don't know, I'm not sold.

Toronto fans? I don't know what to tell you. I hope you're enjoying hockey season, because you can look forward to years of spirited battles with the Orioles for 4th place. I don't know how good Kyle Drabek is going to be, but I know when he gets there Toronto will trade him or let him go sign with the Yankees. Whatever, Toronto's a hockey town.

I'll be back to this a couple of times between now and spring training. We still don't know where Matt Holliday is going, I'd like to see him stay in St. Louis. Jason Bay is still up in the air, although I think it's possible he reluctantly signs with Boston because no one else really wants him, unless the Mets make a big push. I could also see Florida getting involved there as a late surprise. Lots of 2nd tier pitchers still out there, I'd like to see the Yankees grab one. Also, I just heard the Yankees are close to signing Nick Johnson. I like this idea, and it's good for Nick too. If he's a DH, he might not get hurt quite so constantly.

Ironically, as similar as I think they are, I know quite a bit about baseball, and very little about love. So, if you disagree with anything I said about love today, you're probably right. But, if you disagree with anything I said about baseball today, you're wrong, sorry.

Thankfulness Neutral

Around this time of year, most sports commentators and web sites give us lists of things for which they are thankful. I don't want to be a jerk, but going on and on about what I'm thankful for doesn't really sound like me. I've decided on a compromise. I'll give you a list of five things I'm thankful for and five things I'm not. Call it thankfulness neutral. It's like being carbon neutral, only with less hippies and more regularly shaped light bulbs.

I'm thankful for the Yankees' world series win. I always try to explain to fans of other teams what it's like to be a Yankee fan. It's a joyless sports existence. Fans of other teams celebrate when their team wins. They cheer and jump up and down, and sometimes they turn over cars(I'm looking at you, Utah fans. You can't fool me, I know what you've got planned for if the Jazz ever win a title). When the Yankees win, I just breath a sigh of relief and start worrying about next season. And when they don't win, it's just awful, because you always feel like they're supposed to. So, the Yankees spared me this year, and I appreciate it (although I'm still already worrying about next year, I hear they plan on putting Joba back in the rotation, I'm thinking of going down to the stadium and protesting, who's with me?)

I'm thankful for living in Connecticut during football season. The list of good things about living in Connecticut is pretty short. I don't think it's Connecticut's fault. Once you live in New York, everywhere else sucks. But I've got two reasons why I'm happy to be here during football season. First, it gave me a great reason to become a Patriots fan. I've never really had a football team. I liked the Houston Oilers when I was a kid, then they moved. I liked Tampa for a while, but they got boring when they won a superbowl. I never got behind the two New York teams. The Jets are just an abomination, everything about them screams "we'll never be that good". I don't know what my problem is with the Giants. For me, the Giants are like that guy you work with, he never did anything to you and he's probably a decent guy, but you just hate his face for some reason.

The other good part of living here during football season is the games I get to see. In New York, I got the Giants, the Jets and usually one other game. Here, I get the New York and Hartford networks, so I get the Giants, Jets, Pats and usually one other game on top of that. I know it sounds like only one extra game, but having two games on for all six hours most weeks is clutch, especially since NFL games spend as much time in commercials as they do showing you actual football.

I'm thankful for fantasy football. This was a close one for me, I could go either way. I'm a hyper-competitive person, I need to win at everything. So, every Sunday my fantasy team loses is completely ruined. If my team was 3-8, this would have probably gone in the not thankful category. Luckily, we're 9-2, so I'm pretty pleased (although this week isn't looking good, my opponent's up like 40 points after the Thanksgiving games, I think it should be illegal in fantasy football to use anyone who's playing the Raiders, it's just not fair).

Winning isn't a good enough reason to be thankful though. I appreciate fantasy football because of how interesting it makes unbearable games. This week, the Rams are playing the Seahawks. What a total garbage dump of a game. They should make guys in prison who killed people watch this game as punishment. But I'll be glued to any updates and highlights from this game, because I'm counting on the Seahawks' back-up running back to have a big game. Earlier this year, the Jets played the Raiders. That game was over immediately after the teams were introduced, but I watched every second, because I had the Jets defense. It takes something special to make football, which is already pretty great, roughly 39 times more interesting, we should all be thankful for fantasy football. The first guy who came up with the idea should have a monument somewhere in his honor (until my team loses this week, or in the playoffs, then screw him).

I'm thankful for the Monday Night Football announcing booth. When I was at my aunt and uncle's house for Thanksgiving, one of my cousins said he didn't like the MNF booth. I guess I shouldn't have dropped him on his head so much when we were kids. Seriously, I can't think of one sporting event I wouldn't want those three guys to announce, even if they didn't know anything about it. It's the best booth in sports, and it's not even close, and I should have the power to suspend anyone who disagrees from watching sports for a month.

Finally, I'm thankful for ESPN. I think we all need to take a minute to give thanks for this. ESPN gets taken for granted because we've had it for so long now, but I think we have to remember how awesome this is. Before ESPN, the only way to see sports highlights, was to watch the crappy local news for a half hour and hope they'd show you some good stuff at the end. Now, not only do we get all the good highlights, but we get so much sports that we even get the unwatchable things (I'm looking at you WNBA). I remember not having cable until I was maybe 9 or 10, no ESPN, it was awful. Life would be unbearable without ESPN, and I'm pretty sure I'm right about that.

I am not thankful for hockey on Versus. It's not so bad now, I miss a couple of games a week that I'd get if they were on ESPN, but I still get three local teams and I can deal with it. However, the hockey playoffs are the single best thing in sports, and instead of getting games on ESPN and ESPN2 like I used to, I get nothing. I've said before, I don't understand this strategy by the NHL. It's like they're playing hide and seek with me, but they're great hiders and I'm a terrible seeker. I'm getting annoyed just thinking about it, let's move on.

I'm not thankful for the BCS. I'm not sure anyone whose business card doesn't read "college president" is. This may be the single worst thing about sports in America. It looks like we may get 4 or 5 undefeated teams this year, so I'm looking forward to total chaos and to seeing BCS apologists tell me why it's actually a great thing that TCU never lost a game but still doesn't get to play for a title.

Did you read my paragraph about living in Connecticut during football season? Well, that's how I feel about living near New York during basketball season, only the exact opposite. Not thankful doesn't even begin to cover it. I'm not close enough to Boston to get Celtics games on NESN, so it's just the regular New York basketball I've always had. In my NBA preview post, I wrote that you could combine the Nets and Knicks rosters and you still wouldn't get a playoff team. After a month of the season, I'm not sure you even get an NBA team. The Nets are steaming toward the worst start in NBA history, but honestly, the Knicks are even worse. The Knicks aren't even trying, and the fact that Isaiah Thomas traded every first round pick the Knicks had until 2026 means they don't even get anything for sucking. A month ago I called the Knicks a craptastrophy, I'm thinking about downgrading them to catastrophuck.

I am not thankful for commercials. If the BCS isn't the worst thing about sports in America, commercials definitely are, especially this time of year. I'm like four commercials away from burning down a Best Buy (I'll do it when no one's inside, I'm not a monster, OK fine, I won't burn anything down, stupid society, always looking down on arson).

Finally, I'm not thankful for Allen Iverson's current pseudo-retirement. Allen Iverson is the best point guard in NBA history. You heard me. Not arguably the best, or maybe the best, just the best. Make yourself a list of the best point guards in NBA history, then cross out the name of anyone would couldn't possibly guard Iverson. If you haven't crossed out every name except Gary Payton (and maybe Isaiah Thomas, although probably not) then go back and do it again, you are awarded no points, and may god have mercy on your soul. People will say he was never really a pure point guard, because he wasn't a good sharer. Fine, let's both start basketball teams, you take the guy who can't really shoot that well and doesn't have the skills to get to the hoop and finish, but makes up for it by passing the ball to other guys who can do those things. I'll take the guy with all the talent. Let's see who wins.

I really want some NBA team to sign Iverson. I think he still has a lot left, and I don't want to see him go out like this. The problem is Iverson needs to go to a team where he can be the alpha dog. Good teams already have one of those, and bad teams don't want him because the 8-10 extra wins he might give them still won't get them anywhere. Still, somebody should sign Allen, for the most simple reason in sports. He's better then the guy they currently have at his position. And if you think he'll destroy your locker room or your chemistry, then get yourself a better coach. Because if you're bad team, and you can't figure out a way to use a player who's probably still better than all the other players you have, then you might as well just give all your season ticket holders their money back and call it a season.

Game 6

Since I picked the Yankees in six, and since I have a feeling they'll get it done tonight, I thought I'd document the occasion for posterity. (and yes, I know I'm, um, borrowing the idea of running commentary on a live sporting event from probably many other people, most notably Bill Simmons, of whom I'm a big fan. But since I don't get paid for this or anything, I feel I can steal whatever ideas I want, so there). Also, I realize that I usually do sports on Fridays, but I haven't been to work yet this week, so I have very little feel for what day it is.

I could give you the highlights of the pre-game show, but I refuse to awknowledge Fox's pre-game show unless it's to say how terrible it is, so how about a few thoughts on yesterday's elections while we wait for baseball to start.

1. Chris Christie actually sounded kind of interesting in his acceptance speech, maybe New Jersey has something there. Once he gets into office, if he comes up with at least one new idea that isn't actually just a tax cut, I'll stop calling him Governor Fatpants.
2. Listen up Maine! I need California, they make TV shows, I don't need you, I've never eaten a lobster in my life, and I don't plan to. Get it together.
3. Kudos to everyone in my old hometown, NYC. You let Mike Bloomberg completely disregard his term limit and then buy an election. He now officially owns you, well done. (and kudos to the NYC democratic party for offering a candidate that couldn't beat a guy who's about two steps away from declaring himself king and renaming the city Bloombergistan).

Between the pre-game show and the actual game, we get the little pre-game chat with our announcers, Tim McCarver and Joe Buck. Let me just say two things. First, one day, there will be a McCarverless world series, and I will rejoice. Second, they mostly talked about Andy Pettitte pitching on three days rest. Can I have a job where it's a big controversy when I only get three days off between work days? And yes, I realize on two of those three days, Andy had to come to work and watch his co-workers work, I'm willing to do that too.

Play Ball! (apparently brought to us by Budweiser)

1st Inning
The Home Depot tool to victory for the Phillies, courtesy of McCarver, "they have to win." Excellent point.
Pettitte just made his first throw to first base, get ready for about 96 of those tonight.

Utley just grouned into a double play. I wanted Pettitte to hit him with a fastball, I guess Andy's plan was better. By the way, if the Phillies win this series, I say they melt down the Liberty Bell and the Rocky statue and build a giant Utley statue.

I'm a huge Pedro fan, he's the best pitcher I've ever seen, but I wouldn't be super confident about him here. The Yankees saw his stuff last week, and it ain't what it used to be. This opinion just got supported by John Ruiz visiting the mound after one pitch followed by Jeter hammering one right at the left fielder.

Buck says Damon could be the MVP if the Yankees win. Did he get drunk before the game? Also, Damon's at-bats only ever have two results, broken bat and strike out. Honestly, do they make his bats out of ice?

My favorite commercial between these innings? The Sprint 3G commercial featuring flava flav. "Buy our cell phone, this former rapper turned criminally insane reality star likes it." That may not be a direct quote.

2nd Inning
Werth hit two out against Pettitte in game 3, so you probably want to be careful with him here. The Yankees concur and put him on first, Pettitte looks sharp though, hit the corner a couple of times and ball four was right where it should have been, just off the outside. I'm pretty encouraged. Also, look at Werth's hair, he looks like he should be in a Ratt video.

People say Yankee fans are too hard on Posada's defense. Listen, I watch almost every Yankee game, they'd be better off just building a brick wall behind home plate. It would throw out the same number of runners as Jorge, but nothing would get by it.

That's funny, something is really making me want a Budweiser, I don't even like Budweiser, weird.

Pedro wants no part of A-rod, four pitch walk. I don't blame him, Pedro doesn't have his A game, Alex isn't the guy you want to go after with an 84 MPH fastball.

Bang! After a painfully long at bat, Matsui just pounded one into the second deck in right field. 2-0 Yankees. Matsui came back to the dugout making what I'd call the "that's right ladies, they call me Godzilla" face. The home run prompted the crowd to start the "who's your daddy" chant. You can do better than that Yankee fans, it's the world series! Shortly after, Posada struck out on a scorching 23 MPH fastball (I may be a little off on that). I really don't like Posada.

The commercials I'm seeing so far lead me to believe that Fox doesn't think anyone under 50 is watching. On the other hand, if you're having trouble urinating, hope is on the way!

3rd Inning
Pettitte is all over the outside corner right now. And about ten seconds after I typed that, he missed the corner by about a foot and John Ruiz crushed one off the left field wall for a triple. This led to a sac fly from Rollins, 2-1 Yankees. I might have pitched around Rollins and pitched to the guy with the broken hand, but that's just me.

Gardner just struck out, that was predictable. When I was in little league, the coaches sometimes took us to the batting cages to work on hitting. I guess what I'm saying is, can someone point Girardi and Gardner to some batting cages?

A walk to Damon gets some activity stirring in the Phillies pen, probably Happ (Yup). Pedro responds by hitting Teixiera. If Alex hits one out here, they may have to stop the game for a few minutes while the fans in the stadium riot. Alex goes down looking, that pitch may have been off the corner a little, but you don't take it with two strikes.

I'm a fan of Matsui's work tonight, 4-1 Yankees. That might have been a close play at the plate if the Phillies had thought it was even remotely possible to get Damon. When a player gets old, sometimes you say he's lost a step, Damon's lost about 12 steps. Also, I think Posada means rally killer in Spanish.

4th Inning
Damon's night is done, he pulled a calf muscle. (you mean his legs were working properly before? yikes) You might think I'd remove my previous comment about Damon losing 12 steps, but I've been thinking that for about 6 months, and he only pulled his calf about 6 minutes ago, so it stays.

Back-to-back walks to Werth and Ibanez. Next up is Ruiz, Pettitte just put five pitches in the same spot for three balls and two strikes. I'm wondering if we can get baseball umpires access to some kind of book or manual that describes the rules of baseball. "The strike zone doesn't move" would be chapter 4.

Fox has been advertising tomorrow night's TV line-up all night. Do they know something we don't know?

Giuliani's in the house. I still think he would have made a pretty good President, too bad he made an awful, awful candidate. If he could just find a way to be appointed President without having to campaign or anything, I think he'd do a solid job.

Gardner's up again, the home audience can get a head start on their between-inning bathroom breaks if they want.

5th Inning
Pettitte just walked Ruiz, not a good sign. That was followed by one of my favorite moments in TV sports, when the sports announcer reads a promo for whatever crappy show the network is pushing, always hilarious, I think I like it the most when the NASCAR announcers read a promo for one of ABC's barely coherent shows.

Double play ball from Rollins. The Phillies only have, at most, six outs before they have to deal with Rivera, heart of the order up next inning, it's go time.

The Phillies have gone with Chad Durbin for the 5th inning, let's just say the Yankee hitters don't look terrified. Jeter starts things off with a ground rule double, followed by a Hairston bunt(I wasn't a fan of this idea, but he got it down, so whatever).

Perfect spot here for a struggling Teixiera, all he needs is a fly ball. This can usually help a guy focus and get a good swing, and there it is, 5-1 Yankees on a line drive single. A-Rod gets hit by a 3-2 pitch and Charlie Manuel has seen enough of Chad Durbin, I think we all have.

Six RBI's tonight for Matsui, 7-1 Yankees. Good thing they don't riot for sporting events in Japan like we do here, because if they did they might set the whole country on fire if Matsui wins the MVP. Also, it may be time for Philadelphia sports fans to start talking themselves into the Eagles.

Of course, Posada struck out, but luckily, he's not able to actually take runs back off the board, so he's done all the damage he can. And Cano goes down too, I think those two may need to sit quietly for a minute.

6th Inning
Buck's been talking for about 5 minutes straight, is McCarver napping?

Joba's up in the Yankee pen, a truly terrifying sight for Yankee fans. Howard just took Pettitte deep, opposite field too, that dude is strong. 7-3 Yankees, and here comes Girardi. Surprise move, he left Pettitte in, not sure that was wise, we'll see.

Well, Pettitte got Werth but Ibanez drilled one into right. Pettitte's done. Really solid work by Pettitte, good ovation from the crowd. Giradi's bringing Joba in to face Feliz, which makes perfect sense because last time Joba faced Feliz, Feliz hit one that hasn't landed yet, so...wait, this doesn't make any sense, but it worked anyway, that's baseball for ya. Three outs to Rivera.

This week's NFL coverage on Fox will be highlighted by the Cardinals visiting the Bears. In other words, not a great week of games in the NFL.

After Gardner stared at strike three right over the plate, Manuel decided it was time to bring Chan Ho Park into the game. Much like with Chad Durbin, I don't see the Yankee hitters being especially nervous about this. Did the Phillies leave their real bullpen at home or something?

Apparently today's box score is brough to us by a movie called "The Box". I wonder which came first, the movie or the endorsement opportunity.

Well, Park got Jeter and Hairston, so there you go.

7th Inning
Joba mowed down Francisco, but Ruiz hit one hard into center. Ground ball from Rollins. You have to get Victorino out here, he definitely has at least one broken bone somewhere in his hand. Joba proceeds to walk him on four pitches, and he's done. Here comes Damaso Marte to face Utley, and I'm about a -2 out of 10 on the confidence scale. Buck points out that Marte only gave up one home run to a lefty this year. Good point Joe, except that Marte spent most of the year hurt or sucking, so he didn't get a lot of chances. However, at the moment, he's neither hurt nor sucking, he just put Utley away. Six outs left for the Phillies, and if Rivera doesn't start the 8th, you'd better believe he'll be coming in as soon as we see someone on base.

Something was just brought to us by DJ Hero, but I'm not sure what. By the way, I love that idea, a game that let's you pretend to have the talent to do something that requires no actual talent.

They walked Posada intentionally to get to Cano after Matsui struck out, which I guess makes sense, but not really. Why not just take the out from Posada to end this inning, then you could get Cano out to start the next inning. I guess the Phillies think Posada might get a hit, have they been watching the same game I have? I don't even have to tell you what happened next, but you can probably guess that Cano didn't hit a three run home run.

8th Inning
Marte is starting the 8th. A lot of Yankee fans are probably a little nervous about this, but I actually don't hate this move. It's a four run game, the more outs other guys can get, the harder Mariano can go. I probably would have let Marte face Werth and Ibanez, but I'm not Girardi, so here comes Rivera. Kudos to Fox for showing us at least part of Mariano's run into the stadium.

Werth down swinging, four outs left. Rivera just destroyed Ibanez's bat, foul ball though. Tough at bat for Ibanez, broken bat, a couple of jammed pop-ups and that last one looked like he fouled it off his face, but he finished by hitting one hard to center. What was Gardner doing that far in? Does he have a train to catch as soon as the inning's over? Pop-up for the third out, no harm, no foul. Hey, how many runs would the Yankees have to score in the bottom of the 8th for Girardi to put someone else in to pitch the 9th? 16? 60? 6 billion?

Lots of commercials tonight for crappy-looking movies. The only movie coming out soon worth seeing is The Men Who Stare at Goats. That movie can't miss, just the fact that it's based on a true story should be enough to have you laughing pretty much the whole time.

Either McCarver's been pretty quiet tonight or I've learned to block him out. Swisher just got thrown out on a ridiculously slow ground ball. Did he stop to make a phone call on the way to first? Did he get lost?

I honestly don't care what the Yankees do in this inning, they have all the runs they should need.

Fox's commercials for Bones are intolerable. You couldn't pay me to watch that show just because of how much I hate the commercials.

9th Inning
Matt Stairs just hit one that almost left the stadium, but it went foul. Next pitch lined right at Jeter, two outs left. Having Rivera on your team is the best thing is sports. It's unbelievable how sure I am that this game is over.

Rollins just got the nervous gasp out of the stadium crowd on his way to the second out on a long fly ball to right, one more.

Quick shot of Charlie Manuel working on his "hey, we won last year, so shut up" face.

Victorino grounds out to Cano, cue Sinatra, we're done here. Wait, they're not playing Sinatra? OK, whatever.

If I had an MVP vote, I'd probably say Jeter, nothing flashy, but lots of hits in the series. I could see Mariano too, he's so automatic, you don't notice how valuable he is. I know Matsui looks good after tonight, but he didn't even start half the games.

I think, if we learned anything tonight, it's that I picked the Yankees in 6 a month ago, and I'm awesome.

Finally Picking the Yankees

Two Things. First, I'm a pessimist. Some see the glass as half full, some see it as half empty. I say I don't care how full or empty the glass is, because it's probably filled with prune juice or some terrible Belgian beer and I'm not drinking it. Second, I'm a Yankee fan, always have been, always will be. I owe this to my grandmother (come to think of it, I probably owe that first thing to my grandmother too, some might say I got it from my mom, but where do you think she got? Did I just blow your mind a little? Hell yeah I did). Anyway, my grandmother started getting me on the Yankees, along with the Islanders and Celtics, before I can even remember. So, putting these two things together, I don't think I've ever actually said out loud that I was picking the Yankees to win the world series, until now.

Write it down, the Yankees are leaving with the big trophy this year. A couple of days ago I would have said they were going to beat the Cardinals for it, but the Cards seem to have gotten bogged down in LA. I guess the baseball gods have decided to give us the sports media apocalypse of a Yankees vs. Joe Torre world series, I'm so thrilled.

So why am I picking the Yankees? Two main reasons.

Reason number one, they put together a good team in a great off-season. A lot of people talk about Sabathia and Teixiera. Not interesting to me, the Yankees used their financial advantage to make the two most obvious signings, exactly what they should do with all that money, but not really worth talking about. Some people talk about Swisher, and I will a little bit. This guy plays at least 3 positions (none of them all that well, but whatever) and he hit 29 home runs. Brian Cashman stole him from Kenny Williams (a solid GM, by the way) for Wilson Betemit. Seriously, I'm not making that up. Swisher is good for 20+ home runs, high OPS and defensive flexibility, and they got him for Wilson Betemit. So that's sort of interesting, but that's not what I really want to highlight.

I'd like to talk about A.J. Burnett. Why? Because A.J. and the Yankees were the perfect fit. This was such a good signing for both sides. A.J. has ace stuff. He's a number one guy when he brings his A game, which he's usually happy to do about 6-8 times a year when he's healthy. Beyond that, you get 16-18 pretty average starts and 6-8 unmitigated disasters. Of course, it was the 6-8 dominant starts a year that he was looking to get paid for. So, he needed a team with the following qualities:
1) Enough money to pay number two starter money to a guy who is actually average or below average most of the time.
2) Enough offense to win most of his average starts.
3) Enough talent to overcome his disasters and still win enough games to make the playoffs.

Does that sound like a certain franchise with 26 world championships? I think it does.

Reason number two, this Yankee team has a different feel then the 2001-2008 teams did, and I think I know why. I watched all the walk-off celebrations, all the dugout goofing around, all the Nick Swisher hair styles, and I kept thinking the same thing. This isn't Jeter's team anymore. He's still the captain, and they still respect him, but something has changed in the leadership.

Before I move on, I should admit that I don't like Jeter nearly as much as I'm supposed to as a Yankee fan. I know he's a excellent player, and sometimes he'll do something (like the home run in the third inning of game one against the Twins) that I have to admit was pretty great. In general, though, I don't think he's everything Yankee fans and the baseball media make him out to be. I think if he played for the Texas Rangers, he'd be Michael Young. Baseball fans know what I'm talking about, people who don't really follow baseball have no idea who Michael Young is, and that's sort of my point.

This isn't Jeter's team anymore. It's almost like he's moved on to a higher position. They'll still look to him when they need something big, but the other guys are running the day to day now, Swisher and Teixiera, Sabathia and Burnett. Why is this good? This team isn't chasing the old dynasty anymore, they're starting a new one. Alex Rodriguez isn't the sullen outcast who can't measure up to the champions he plays with anymore, he's just one of boys. The young kids, like Cano and Cabrera and Joba are having fun without having to worry about getting a stern lecture about professionalism, because they're following the lead of veterans who are having fun.

Sure, when the series is over and they're mopping up the champagne, the Yankees players will talk about Jeter's leadership and how he was their MVP, and that'll be true. Maybe he'll even get his own trophy to prove it. But think about all those Yankee teams since 2000 that came up short. Didn't they look bored? They did their jobs with the same amount of joy as the guy who cleans the bathrooms at your office. You could blame some of this on Torre, but he wasn't there last year, and they looked worse than ever.

This team is having fun, it's because they brought in some new leadership, and it's why you can put the 27th world title in the bank.

Of course, now that I wrote this, it almost certainly won't happen. I'll spend the last week in October watching the Angels and the Dodgers play the least cared about world series in history. That's what I get for trying to be optimistic for once.