I Was Wrong

Even though I'm super smart and totally awesome, sometimes I'm still wrong. Around this time last year, I said the Washington Wizards would surprise everyone and get to the second round of the playoffs. As you may have heard, later that season, Gilbert Arenas brought a gun to work and the Wizards traded their entire team. They wound up with the first pick in the draft.

Similarly, last spring I picked the Seattle Mariners to win the AL west. I did a few paragraphs for every team, so I didn't expect to be right about everything, but man did I get that one wrong. I stopped watching after a while because I couldn't take it, but it's possible Seattle lost all 162 of their games last year. I think they may have also managed to go a whole season without scoring any runs. Swing and a miss for me (and the Mariners, many many times).

Why bring these things up now? I wanted to have some take on the midterm election results, but with the three cable networks hosting a combined 174 analysts for eight hours each, I really doubt there's an angle they missed. I can't imagine I have anything to say that wasn't shouted over 10 other people on cable TV at some point. So, I'm left searching for something that's specific to me, and that brings me to what I was most recently wrong about. Charlie Crist.

A little over two months ago, I boldly predicted that Charlie Crist would win the Florida Senate race convincingly, and his win would usher in a wave of successful independent candidates. I still stand behind the logic I used to draw that conclusion, which was basically this:
1) Polls consistently show people are angry with both parties.
2) Independent candidates can do well if they already have strong name recognition, which the current Governor of the state certainly does.
3) Crist honestly seemed like the best candidate.
4) I also thought the Democrat would drop out and endorse Crist at some point. Swing and a miss there too.

That was my logic, and I would have looked pretty good if my prediction had panned out. Instead, Crist lost by 20 points to tea party favorite and department store mannequin Marco Rubio. Whoops. I tried to figure out where I went wrong and came up with the following:

First of all, Crist was an awful candidate. I don't know what his deal really is, but it seems clear that Florida voters see him as a slimy politician who would do anything to win and has no loyalties other than to himself. I don't know how Florida voters think this makes him any different from every other politician, but one way or the other, they didn't vote for him.

Secondly, Marco Rubio turned out to be probably the most reasonable of all the tea people. To be fair, it didn't take much. Being the most reasonable tea person is like being the coolest kid at bible camp. Still, Senator Elect Rubio looked like a rocket scientist Tuesday night compared to the likes of Carl Paladino and Christine O'Donnell, and that was a pretty good reflection of how the whole campaign season looked.

Most importantly, I ignored the fact that this election was happening in Florida. The Florida that gave us George W. Bush because they couldn't figure out how to vote correctly. The Florida that sent Katherine Harris to the House of Representatives...twice. The Florida that has three sports teams based in Tampa Bay even though Tampa Bay isn't an actual city.

Obviously, Florida shouldn't be allowed to vote anymore. I honestly don't know what we're waiting for. More importantly, I'm never making a prediction for a Senate or House race again, because I'm from New York, and all the other states are crazy.

As for the rest of the midterm results, I have one thought for each party. Humble advice for the road forward.

Democrats
Try growing a collective spine. If it doesn't feel good after a few months, you can always go back to your natural state of cowardly compromise. But, just for a little while, why not try deciding on some principles and then not voting for anything that doesn't match up with those principles. The Republicans did that for two years and do you know what happened next? They mopped the floor with you.

This obviously starts with the President, who's been especially timid since Tuesday. I'm never happier with the President then when he's doing his "why are you people so stupid?" tone of voice while calmly explaining why he's right and everyone else is wrong. I want more of that. Republicans are going to call him arrogant anyway, he might as well just come out swinging.

Republicans
You have to do stuff. I know you don't want to, but you're going to have to. The Democrats still control the Senate and the White House. If you want a shot at winning those in 2012, you have to pass some legislation through the House that people like. Then, you can go to the voters and tell them how the big mean Democrats killed all your awesome legislation and if they just hand the rest of the government over to you, they can have their candy.

Also, you have to find a decent candidate for 2012, and I'll get to that next week.

Restoring Sanity

The dynamic Stewart/Colbert duo are holding their rally to restore sanity this weekend. I'm not sure a big crazy rally is the best way to restore sanity. And I'm not sure doing it on a Saturday afternoon is the best way to get ratings. I'm also not sure I'm going. Actually, I'm sure I'm not going. I'm a fan of those guys, but I'm not a "drive seven hours to Washington on a Saturday to be at a rally I could watch on TV" kind of fan, ya know? There are only three things I'd get up at 7AM and drive to D.C. for:
1) Guns n Roses reunion
2) For some reason, they've decided to make me the President
3) Another Guns n Roses reunion

By the way, I think it's worth noting that when we talk about restoring sanity, we're really talking about relative sanity. The sanity of a time when oral sex was an impeachable offense. Not exactly totally sane, but way better than now. I mean, at least they didn't succeed in getting rid of President Clinton. If President Obama was caught with an intern, he'd be out of there faster than Joe Biden could say "oh god! I'm really not up for this! NOOOOOOOOO!".

Anyway, in my mind, there's only one way to restore sanity. Vote. Why? Because the lunatics always vote, in large numbers. I can only think of two ways we could keep the tea people from voting.
1) An all-day Tim McGraw and Toby Keith concert. This sounds like something we could do until you remember that Tim and Toby are on the tea people's side.
2) Shiny objects. This would also work in theory, but there are millions of them. If the rest of us spent next Tuesday distracting the tea people with shiny objects, then nobody would vote. At that point, Congress would have to declare a do-over or something.

I plan on driving almost two hours to vote. I'm not registered to vote yet in my new home state, so I'm driving all the way to southern Connecticut on election day to vote against Linda McMahon. I'm not calling shenanigans on myself for voting in a different state than I just moved to because, as I've previously written, Congress makes the laws for everyone and we all have to deal with their nonsense. I won't vote for Governor or state elections down there, I promise.

Why vote against Linda McMahon? BECAUSE SHE'S THE F*CKING WRESTLING LADY! That's why. I know the tea people are all about new faces and hating career politicians, but there's actually something to be said for having Senators that, ya know, know something about governing and public policy. I'd be the first person to argue that a former CEO could make a good President, Governor or Mayor. Those jobs are also chief executive positions, Senator is a totally different skill set.

So, as much as I'd enjoy tuning into CSPAN one evening next year and seeing Senator McMahon turn on Joe Lieberman by hitting him with a steel chair while Jim Ross declares the day's Senate session a "slobberknocker", I'm voting for the other guy. You can't go from drinking beers with Stone Cold Steve Austin and kicking guys in the groin to the Senate. I'm sure that's in the Constitution somewhere.

The great thing about election day is it's the one day we all really have an equal say. For months before the election, all the influence sits with the big campaign donors and the media outlets that are in the bag for one side or the other. But on election day, everybody gets one vote, and that's it (unless you live in Chicago). And if 75% of the country is not crazy, and we all vote, then logic dictates we should wind up with a relatively sane government.

But that isn't what happens. Instead, all the crazy people vote and most of the rest of us don't bother, especially when there's no Presidential election. The result? Crazy elections with crazy results. There's no way 50% of all the people in Michele Bachmann's district actually like her, it's impossible, she's certifiable. But the crazies all vote for her, and everyone else stays home. Next thing you know, some guy on MSNBC is telling me she might be the next Speaker of the House (that just happened on my TV, I swear) and I'm trying to find out how much a house in Ontario would cost me.

That's my 2010 midterm voting slogan. "Get off your ass and vote for the least crazy person you can find, because you never know who could be the next Bachmann". It has a nice ring to it.

PS...this is a mostly unrelated side note that doesn't have a whole lot to do with anything, but I need to get this off my chest. I watch about 10 minutes of news in the morning while I'm transitioning from asleep to awake enough to drive to work. I usually flip between Fox and MSNBC. I don't have much to say about the MSNBC show, it's just sort of there, which is really what a morning show should be. I'm not really in the mood for learning at 8AM.

On the other hand, Fox and Friends is absolutely the stupidest show on TV. I've decided it has to be intentional. There's no way three people could actually be that stupid, they would have burned the studio down by now. It's like listening to three 2nd graders complain about their teacher. In fact, I'm pretty sure I heard one of them called the President a doodyhead this morning (I could be wrong, I told you I'm half-awake while I watch). It's infuriating, but I can't look away sometimes. It's just so dumb, like a double rainbow of stupidity.

I still watch Glenn Beck sometimes too. He's so far removed from reality at this point I actually kind of feel bad for him. I guess what I'm saying is, I may have to ask my cable company to block Fox from my TV because I don't have the will power to turn it off myself, but I'm pretty sure it's going to break my brain soon.

Promises, Promises

I've decided to run for Congress. Maybe the House, maybe the Senate. Hell, maybe both. I've been watching election coverage for the last two or three months (it feels like about 13 years) and these people are idiots. I could totally wipe the floor with them, but I'm going to need some campaign promises, so here goes.

First of all, I'll take money from anyone. You hear me? ANYONE! Karl Rove, George Soros, nefarious foreign entities, illegal aliens, space aliens, Kermit the Frog, anyone. And I'll take it whenever. During the campaign, while I'm in office, after I've resigned in shame over a scandal (campaign promise 1B, I promise to resign in shame over a scandal. You'll never see it coming, but it'll be fun and interesting and you'll be glad you voted for me).

By the way, why is it that neither party gives a crap about our government being for sale until they don't like the buyers? Wouldn't it be better for everyone if the people we elect could spend more time governing and less time running around begging for donations? Actually, now that I think about the current crop of people we've elected, and the people we're about to elect, it's probably a good idea to have them doing anything but governing. Ignore this paragraph.

I promise to cut taxes and the deficit. How? Through serious, substantive cuts to the federal budget? No, don't be ridiculous. Through the mystical magic of the free market. Here's how it works:
Step 1: Cut taxes.
Step 2: Abracadabra!
Step 3: No more deficits, balanced budget.
It's that simple. What? You don't get it? That's because you're stupid. You need to read a little less about economics and a little more about Ronald Reagan (campaign promise 2B, I promise to call voters stupid, like all the time, at least once a day. That's called being bold).

I promise to find a way to get rid of some of those pesky constitutional amendments. I know the first amendment talks about respecting no establishment of religion and not prohibiting the free exercise of religion, but that was written like 250 years ago or whatever, before we knew what the mooslims were really up to. Obviously, what the founders really meant by freedom of religion was the right to worship jesus however you want. I'll put that in the hopper and we'll start working on language for the new and improved first amendment.

Also, the 8th amendment. No cruel and unusual punishment? That just seems silly now. I bet if we could talk to Thomas Jefferson today he'd say how silly that was. In fact, I bet they were just joking about that. Those founders, always with the funny jokes. What good is punishment if it isn't cruel and unusual? Why even bother?

No changes to the 2nd amendment though. That would be insane. Firearms haven't changed at all since the 18th century. If the 2nd amendment was good enough for muskets, it's certainly good enough for handguns and semi-automatic rifles. And we need our gun rights and our militias, you never know when the British might come looking for another re-match.

I promise to pass a law requiring all TV shows to make at least 52 new episodes every year. No breaks, no re-runs, just pure entertainment. Any show breaking this law will be punished with a mandated guest appearance by one or more of the following awful celebrities:
David Hasselhoff
Urkel
Rosie O'Donnell
Jamie Kennedy
anyone from the Jersey Shore
Gene Simmons
anyone who's ever been on a VH1 reality show
Roseanne
Weird Al Yankovic
Don't think that's a harsh enough punishment? Just think about how quickly a Weird Al episode could murder Glee. Speaking of TV, I promise to get rid of American Idol. I just can't take it anymore.

I promise to end all the crazy weather. Hurricanes, nor'easters, crazy heat, random hail storms, now apparently there's some kind of wind storm heading for the midwest (seriously? a wind storm? when did we move to Mars?) I'm sick of it, aren't you?

Plan A is to hire someone to build us a weather machine. Evil geniuses do it all the time, and with my magically balanced budget, we could afford to hire one. A weather machine is plan A because it's really more of a proactive approach, we wouldn't just be hiding from the weather, we'd be on the offensive against it.

In the absence of an evil genius willing to take on the challenge of plan A, plan B is building a dome over the country. It would be clear, so we could still see the sky, and it would be broken up into little retractable sections, so we could open it up when the weather is nice. And we could collect the water as it rolls off the dome when it rains, so we'd still get water. The dome plan is pretty bullet-proof, but I'd still prefer a weather machine.

I promise to end don't ask don't tell. No jokes here, this is just such a stupid policy, why are we so stupid sometimes? Hey! I promise to start a commission to find out why we're so stupid sometimes. I'd have to find not stupid people to be on the commission though, otherwise I'd just get a stupid answer. Governing is hard.

I'm out of promises for now, but it's starting to sound like I'm going to need some unilateral power to get some of these things done. Sure, I could get 60 Senate votes for a weather machine (provided we had parts of it built in 30 different states), but 60 votes for ending don't ask don't tell? Ridiculous. New plan, I'm running for President. Wait no, the President can't do whatever the hell he wants either. Hmmm...how about Dictator? No, Americans are pretty wary of dictators. King? I'd have to learn how to speak with a British accent, no dice.

I've got it! I'm running for Oprah. She could do all of these things and nobody could stop her (and even if someone could, they wouldn't dare try). I also hear she's leaving her show soon, so we'll need a new Oprah. I think I'd be perfect, and then I could do all this cool stuff I just told you about. Vote for me for new Oprah!...and a better tomorrow.

Reap The Whirlwind

"For they have sown the wind, and they shall reap the whirlwind" Hosea 8:7


If you read this blog enough, you already know that I am, quite possibly, the least religious person in the world. I couldn't believe in god less. I like the bible though. It's well written and contains some of my favorite quotes, including this one from the book of Hosea.

Hosea, by the way, is apparently one of the minor prophets. Tough break there. God talks to you, you're a prophet, seems like a pretty sweet deal. Then, somewhere along the way, you find out you're just a minor prophet. What a slap in the face. Why even bother being a prophet at all? I think the old testament prophets needed a union, so they could collectively bargain for equatable treatment of all prophets.

Anyway, I've been trying to keep up with the midterm elections. It isn't an easy task. Midterms can get pretty boring. First of all, who the hell are these people? Secondly, even when we have a supposedly huge change election, an overwhelming majority of Congress stays the same. For example, 1994 is basically the modern standard for a big change election. 1994 saw a 54 seat swing to the Republican side out of 435 House seats, or about 12%, which means 88% basically stayed the same. In the Senate, the Republicans picked up 8 seats out of 100, I don't really need to do the math for you there.

Boring or not, elections are important, especially Senate elections. The Senate holds the real power when it comes to making our laws. The House passes laws all the time with simple majority votes, but the Senate has all kinds of wacky rules and legislation generally goes there to die. So, if some dumbass state elects some dumbass Senator (I'm looking at you Pennsylvania. Rick Santorum? What were you thinking?) that dumbass is immediately 1% of the major governing body of our country for six long stupid years. Now, imagine what happens if dumbasses all over the country unite to elect a series of dumbass Senators.

In Nevada, the Republicans have nominated Sharron Angle, who, among other things, once suggested that ammunition shortages at sporting goods stores might be evidence that the nation is arming for a revolution against the federal government. Not crazy enough for you? How about this? In discussing her opposition to abortion in the case of rape or incest, Sharron suggested telling the hypothetically impregnated rape victim to turn what was really a lemon of a situation into lemonade.

You might think Angle couldn't possibly win an election, but Ms. Angle is running against Harry Reid, who is as charismatic is he is competent. The real clear politics average currently has Reid ahead of this lunatic by a whopping half a point. If you've ever seen Harry Reid talk, you can understand why I'm not optimistic about him being able to win over voters and take a real lead. If Sharron Angle can manage to avoid committing a felony in the next month and a half, I think she's got a very good shot.

In Kentucky, the Republicans nominated Rand Paul. Rand thinks the President shouldn't have been so hard on BP for filling the Gulf of Mexico with oil. Rand also would have voted against the 1964 Civil Rights Act. The latest poll in Kentucky has Rand Paul up by 7. Two earlier polls had him up 15. Get ready for Senator Paul (who promises he won't actually try to repeal the Civil Rights Act, seeing as it's already been passed and all. How sporting of him).

Recently, Delaware Republicans nominated Christine O'Donnell. Christine actually seems like a nice person and I think the media has been a little tough on her. First of all, I didn't dabble in witchcraft when I was in high school, but if you had asked 15 year old me if I wanted to go see the satanic altar with the blood on it, I would have said "of course, I'm 15, what about me being 15 would suggest to you that I wouldn't want to see that?".

They're also all over her about her opposition to masturbation. I don't know what to say about that. She was a young Catholic and she was saying what the priests told her to say. I'm less worried about O'Donnell than some of these other people because early polls have her way down and, considering how late her primary was, I'm not sure she has time to recover. However, being that she's wildly unqualified to be a Senator and got nominated over a solid moderate candidate, she's another example of what we're talking about today.

I could on and on like this. Alaska Republicans nominated a guy named Joe Miller instead of re-nominating Republican incumbent, and seemingly non-crazy person, Lisa Murkowski. I don't really know what Joe stands for other than not shaving and not wearing a tie (but if you want to know what Joe stands for, just ask Sarah Palin, because that's who Joe asks when he wants to know what he stands for).

I've already talked about Florida empty vessel Marco Rubio. If Rubio wins it'll be the first time exit polls show a candidate won a Senate seat because of his "great hair" and "winning smile". He and Sarah Palin would make an excellent weekend news team.

New York Republicans nominated some guy named Joe DioGuardi to challenge Kirsten Gillibrand. Senator Gillibrand isn't exactly a political dynamo, Republicans could have stolen that seat by nominating a moderate that people have actually heard of instead of some guy who has run for Congress four times and only even managed to get nominated once.

The far right wing of the Republican party and the tea people have sown the wind. This is why I'm not a Republican anymore, the party is now routinely passing on qualified, reasonable people in favor of crazy, unqualified super-duper conservatives. Ideally, we'll watch them reap the whirlwind when they blow a chance to take back Congress from the consistently hapless Democrats. But what happens if all these crazy people ride an anti-incumbent wave to victory on November 2nd? Then, we all have to deal with the whirlwind.

The New Center

I have a theory. Now, I watch Glenn Beck at least a couple of times a week. Glenn has a lot of theories, I think the last one involved Woodrow Wilson secretly traveling back in time to start the slave trade. My theory isn't a Beck-style, category five crazy theory. I'm a bit more of a moderate, and that's sort of my point, this is a theory about moderation.

I've been trying my best to get engaged with the 2010 midterm elections, my efforts are meeting with limited success. The Democrats are undisciplined, somewhat cowardly and really failing to zero in on a message. Ya know, they're acting like Democrats. I can't imagine a way a party could more thoroughly squander a huge majority, but I'm sure the Democrats can.

Meanwhile, the Republican party seems to have been taken over by crazy people. Their nominee in Nevada, Sharron Angle, can generously be described as totally insane. Of course, she still has a decent chance of winning because she's running against Harry Reid's politically dynamic combination of unspeakably boring and unimaginably ineffective. Should be a real barn burner out there.

The Republicans in my current (but, thankfully, soon to be former) state have nominated Linda McMahon. Seriously, the wrestling lady. I swear I'm not joking. But she also still has a decent chance because she's got about a trillion dollars and she's running against a Democrat who kept telling people he served in Vietnam even though he didn't.

I've also noticed the Florida Senate race. Florida has the rare three-way race going. Independent and former Republican Charlie Crist vs. tea party Republican and former hair model Marco Rubio vs. a couple of Democrats who can't even poll at 20% in a pretty 50/50 state. Crist leads the real clear politics average of polls no matter which Democrat you plug in. This brings us to my theory. I think Crist is the leading edge of a big wave of successful independent candidates.

Look at where we are right now. People are rightfully fed up with both parties. The imagineers at Fox News keep telling me the Republican party will win back a majority in the house and maybe the Senate in November. How many times do you think people will go back and forth like this before they realize nothing ever changes? I think Crist wins by double digits in November, partially because he won't be weighed down by the stupidity of either party. That's why I think he should change his campaign slogan to "I'm Charlie Crist, and I don't like either of these guys". I also like that slogan because it's a little punchier than Marco Rubio's "I'm Marco Rubio, and I'll say whatever Newt Gingrich and Sarah Palin tell me to say".

In the past, independents struggled because they couldn't raise any real money and they didn't have enough name recognition. Next time you go vote, take a look at the candidates on your ballot after the two major parties. It's a veritable who's who of who the f*ck are these guys. People generally aren't fans of voting for people they've never heard of, or giving them money.

But Sean, you protest, Ross Perot had money and everyone knew who he was, and he still only got just under 19% in the 1992 election. I can't argue with you there. Sure, part of what Perot was known for was his trademark bat-shit insanity, but still, he was well known. So what's different now?

As usual, part of the problem is the internets. An independent candidate doesn't need the party establishment to raise big money anymore. Even major party candidates do a decent amount of fundraising on the internet. I'm not saying an independent can get even with the big parties on money, but I think they can get close enough, if people know who they are. That brings us to culprit number two.

Cable news. People are more well informed about politics now than ever before. Well, maybe I wouldn't say we're well informed, but we're certainly more informed. I live in Connecticut and know who Marco Rubio and Sharron Angle are. Do you think I would have known who they were in 1992? Probably not.

So, here are the factors:
1) People are genuinely fed up with both parties
2) Fundraising is way easier now than it was even 10 years ago
3) Name recognition in politics is almost universal at this point
4) I say an independent is about to destroy both big party candidates in a pretty visible Senate race in Florida

Over the next five/ten years, I think we'll see a wave of moderate, reasonable politicians running for office as independents, and winning. I wouldn't be surprised if the 2020 Senate looked something like 43 Republicans, 41 Democrats and 16 independents. Of course, this means Congress will do even less than it does now. Impossible, you say? That sounds like a challenge.

Further down the road, maybe this even gets us a new third party, which will inevitably become just as corrupt and ineffective as the current two parties. I said I had a theory, I didn't say it was a good thing.

Poetry and Prose

Before we start, and this is sort of around the same topic as the rest of this post, it's in the neighborhood anyway. What's up with the Senate Majority Leader? First of all, I was surprised to find out that Harry Reid has the ability to say anything even remotely interesting or note-worthy. Second, it's not the racism in Harry Reid's comment about Barack Obama that struck me, so much as it was the inability to stop himself. Most people, if they accidentally said the first thing, about people being more comfortable with Obama because of his "light skin", would catch themselves and try to walk it back. Senator Reid, on the other hand, kept digging until he got to the part about Barack Obama not having a "negro dialect, unless he chooses to". I can't even begin to guess at what he meant by "negro dialect". Also, I know it's tough for some people to keep up with the politically correct lingo, but I'm pretty sure we all got the memo about "negro". For me, the real genius is the "unless" section. There's just so much there to be uncomfortable about, it's like a 7-layer dip of racial insensitivity. I may have to read that whole book. OK, on to the blog...

A broken campaign promise is the easiest target in politics. Especially now, when even local politicians can't say anything without being video taped. All you have to do is show the tape of the candidate making a promise followed by the new footage of the same person saying or doing exactly the opposite of what was promised, and there it is. Candidate Obama explicitly and repeatedly promised to have Congressional health care negotiations televised on CSPAN. Now, not only is the White House not pushing Congress to have televised negotiations, but they are, in fact, pushing Congress to skip conference committee negotiations altogether to get a bill to the President's desk as quickly as possible.

This was a silly and unkeepable campaign promise and candidate Obama, then a Senator, knew better(by the way, blogger spellcheck insists that unkeepable isn't a word. I say it's my blog and I decide what's a word). Cynically, I think the Obama campaign knew this was a good thing to promise, even if it couldn't be delivered. I think they also knew failure to deliver on this promise could be blamed on Congress. And I think they knew that while people liked this idea when they heard it, they wouldn't really get that upset when it didn't happen. Come to think of it, maybe I'm not the cynical one.

The fun part about this is even the Republicans aren't making too much noise about it, because they don't want to negotiate in public anymore than anyone else does. Even the political media gave it sort of a glancing blow, because they know any televised negotiations would be proceeded by secret private negotiations so all the tough decisions could be made before they got in front of the cameras. And I'm not really bothered either, because I think if the average person actually saw how political deals get done in this country, they'd be overwhelmed by the urge to sit down in a corner and cry for a while.

This whole little episode reminded me of the old saying about campaigning in poetry in governing in prose. I've actually thought about this a few times lately, since the Senate has spent the last few months embarrassing themselves on national TV whenever they get the chance, and I don't remember any campaign promises about the Senate floor looking like recess in a kindergarten. It used to be the House of Representatives was the arrogant, inexperienced, childish, power hungry idiots of Washington, and the Senate was supposed to be the grown-ups. Now where do I find the grown-ups? If the Senate is currently writing prose, it's a 3200 page novel with a picture of a giant middle finger on the cover.

I bring this up now because it's about to be campaign season again. That's right! Put on your votin' shoes, it's the 2010 midterm elections! I'm usually the kind of person who tells people to pay attention and vote, because it's important. And it should be important, the whole House and a little over 1/3rd of the Senate is up for re-election. Honestly though, I'm not excited, at this point I'm barely even interested. Why? I feel like I don't really care what any of the candidates are saying.

I'll hear Republicans tell me about tax cuts. Republicans are like South Park underpants gnomes when it comes to the economy. Phase 1: tax cuts - Phase 2: ? - Phase 3: thriving economy. Democrats will tell me about tax cuts too, but they'll be far less convincing. The national security debate will be similarly similar, but I won't care because, as far as I can tell, Congress' role in national security presently seems to be limited to bitching about it. I might even hear some Republicans tell me about big government liberalism, and maybe even socialism(my thoughts on that last thing are coming soon to an internet near you).

Right now, the most interesting thing for me about Republicans this year is whether or not they'll go back to illegal immigration as an issue. It's hard for Republicans to talk about immigration without offending Hispanic voters, which would be political suicide at the moment. On the other hand, I wonder if they can't help themselves. On top of everything, I'll have to endure the usual Republican talking points about values and misreading the second amendment, and more than a few tearful rants from Glenn Beck.

Impossibly, the Democrats are somehow worse. Why worse? Because I don't care what Democratic candidates say. The party as a whole can't govern worth a damn. I swear if you took 4 Democratic Senators to an IHOP and told them they couldn't have any food until they agreed on one style of pancakes for all four of them to eat, they'd all die of starvation. So Democrats can make a lot of promises, and some of them will be good ideas, but I have no confidence they can get anything done.

This isn't to say I hate both parties. I don't think either party is inherently bad, or full of bad people. One of the underlying points of the poetry and prose quote is the idea that you can't really govern in poetry, and you can't win by campaigning in prose. I've also commented here that we get the leaders we deserve, and we get the campaigns we deserve too. My point is only that I'm having a hard time getting interested in this next round of elections, and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one. I'll try my best to pay attention and care, but I think it'll be a lot like eating my vegetables. It's hard to care that much when it's so difficult to see any real correlation between campaign promises and governing actions.

Maybe I can start a third party. We're going to need a name though, and maybe some principles. Tell you what, I'll get back to you on that. Either way, I don't think my new, awesome third party is going to be ready for 2010. So, in the mean time, I have to try and muster an argument for getting invested in the upcoming midterm elections. Here's the best I can do...

The crazies on both sides of the aisle will be voting. Both parties have plenty of misguided lunatics, and they like to vote. So, if the rest of us stay home, we're pretty much letting the lunatics decide our future. Hmm, yeah I think that did it. I'm off to learn who's running against my current Congressman. I voted for him last time, and as far as I can tell, he's been pretty much inert since then (OK, that's probably not fair, but I watch as much political news as anyone and I haven't heard his name once in a year, so, at best, he seems to be voting as he's told and staying quiet). If the Republican in the race seems smart and reasonable, he's got a decent shot at my vote. If not, maybe I'll stick with the current guy, if I haven't heard his name at all, at least it means he hasn't done or said anything incredibly stupid yet, like, say, the Senate Majority Leader.