NHL Uniform Manifesto Part 2

Welcome back for part 2 of my three part NHL uniform manifesto.  Part one was the bottom third, so aside from a few bright spots, everything was pretty much terrible.  As we get into the second group, I won't need to spend as much time thinking of synonyms for the word atrocious, and we'll actually be looking at some decent jerseys before the end of part 2.  If you haven't read part 1, you'll want to go back and check it out for descriptions of the categories and also because that's a third of the whole thing and why would you skip it?

20. Philadelphia Flyers
First Impression: 7
Classicyness: 5
Color Scheme: 3
Trend: 3
Logo/Mascot: 6
Total - 24

The Flyers are easily the biggest disappointment on the list.  Anyone who knows my feelings about uniforms, and colors in general, knows that I'm a sucker for orange.  And the Flyers have so much orange.  And yet, when I look at the Flyers' jerseys, I feel nothing but disappointment.  First of all, the orange on the home jerseys doesn't have a border, it just crashes recklessly into the white on the shoulders and sleeves and sucks all the goodness out of the orange.  The away jerseys are a little better, but the white jerseys from the 80's were even better-er.  And then there's the weird nameplates.  Why do you have to be special Philadelphia?? 

Nothing makes me angrier than squandering orange, and it's too bad, because there's a lot to like here.  The logo is cool, and I don't know what a flyer is, but it sounds fun.  Philadelphia also corrected the mistake of going completely away from orange jerseys for a while.  If I was writing this in 2001, this section would be filled with bad words.  You had orange jerseys and you voluntarily gave them away?  Are you monsters?  Still, a spot in the bottom half is so disappointing for the team that features more orange than anyone else.  It didn't have to be this way Philadelphia.

19. Buffalo Sabres
First Impression: 6
Classicyness: 7
Color Scheme: 2
Trend: 3
Logo/Mascot: 6
Total - 24

Kudos to the Sabres for going back to their really nice classic logo, and for going almost all the way back to their classic look.  But, once again, the lure of a darker blue has ruined an otherwise perfectly good uniform.  What is it about navy blue that teams like so much?  Can they not see how much worse it is than regular blue?  I can see it, and it makes me sad.

Buffalo gets effort points for attempting a yellow alternate this year, but they also lose plenty of points for the troubling execution of said alternates.  Those yellow alternates could be great, but in reality they are horrifying.  Everything is wrong.  The oddly thick white border between the yellow and the navy blue, the fact that the navy blue is still there, the fact that the front is yellow but the back is still blue.  They look like the kind of uniform I would have drawn and sent into a Sports Illustrated for Kids contest when I was six.  This is especially egregious since the previous alternates were actually pretty nice.  What a mess.

18. Minnesota Wild
First Impression: 5
Classicyness: 8
Color Scheme: 6
Trend: 6
Logo/Mascot: -1
Total - 24

Look, you can name your team after anything.  Things, animals, weather phenomena.  I'll even accept random words that only mean something in your state (I don't know what a Hoosier is, but I'm positive people in Indiana do).  What I will not tolerate is a team name that is clearly an adjective.  Don't try to tell me that it's a noun referring to the wild of Minnesota.  The word for that is wilderness, and if you think Minnesota Wilderness is a stupid team name, then you should understand that Minnesota Wild is even stupider.  To be honest, -1 was generous.

This mess with the logo/mascot is a real shame because I like everything else Minnesota is doing.  The colors are nice (red and green, but not Christmasy) and the uniforms look pretty cool, especially for a newer team.  The alternates are a little dull, but I still kind of like them.  And it's just nice to have a team back in Minnesota.  So much to like, but if you name your team the Wild, 18th is about the best you can do.

17. Colorado Avalanche
First Impression: 6
Classicyness: 2
Color Scheme: 4
Trend: 6
Logo/Mascot: 7
Total - 25

Like Lightning, Avalanche is a fun team name and I imagine avalanches happen pretty frequently in Colorado.  And even if they don't, they do in my imagination and that's all that really matters.  The logo is halfway decent too.  I mean, it isn't great, but I'll take it.  I'll also take the alternate jersey, since it follows my simple philosophy that states "if you're going to have a third jersey, it should really be a third color".  Speaking of color, I don't love the burgundy, but I don't hate it either.

Colorado suffered in classicyness for stealing the Quebec team, and those Nordiques uniforms were pretty sweet, but Colorado should have a hockey team too, so they didn't get penalized as much as some of the other thieves on the list.  One bonus first impression point for being the jersey Ray Bourque finally won a Stanley Cup in.

16. Pittsburgh Penguins
First Impression: 7
Classicyness: 4
Color Scheme: 6
Trend: 3
Logo/Mascot: 5
Total - 25

Pittsburgh is a team on a slow downward trend.  They corrected the logo mistake they made in the early 90's, but the new, uglier gold they're using is a problem.  The old brighter yellow/gold really went toe to toe with the black.  This new gold just sort of hides behind it.  The Penguins also appear to have dumped those perfectly pleasant light blue alternates.  Boooo!

To be fair though, Pittsburgh's uniforms still have a lot of charm.  The penguin logo is really fun and even though the gold isn't as good as it used to be, black and gold is still a solid combination.  Plus, the Penguins have almost always been fun to watch, so that's nice.

15. Calgary Flames
First Impression: 6
Classicyness: 5
Color Scheme: 7
Trend: 3
Logo/Mascot: 4
Total - 25

I know what you're going to say.  Flames makes no sense for Calgary and I should be angrier about that.  You have to remember two things.  1) The visual of a giant flaming C over the coat of snow that I assume covers Calgary 365 days a year is fun and 2) shut up.  Calgary also gets a bonus first impression point for being a Canadian team that was stolen from an American city where hockey is pointless.  We've tried Atlanta twice now, that should really be enough.

I let the Flames off easy on trend because I'm generally a fan of adding a little black to uniforms, but this particular addition of black destroyed a work of art.  I loved the Flames' old uniforms.  Loved 'em.  I think it's the black logo on the home uniform that really gets me.  Where have you seen a black flame?  Where??  Nowhere, that's where.  Red and bright gold were such a good team for Calgary, why mess with greatness?  And then they brought back the old design as an alternate just to take it away again.  It's just depressing, let's move on.

14. San Jose Sharks
First Impression: 6
Classicyness: 3
Color Scheme: 5
Trend: 5
Logo/Mascot: 7
Total - 26

Sharks always make a good mascot, and apparently they have something to do with the San Jose area, so that's solid all the way around.  I don't love the teal, but kudos to the Sharks for trying something a little different.  And, again, when your third jersey is a third color, that's going to earn you some points.

I read on the internet that the Sharks changed their uniforms for this season to have less stuff on them because reducing the amount of stuff on the jerseys would make them lighter and improve the team's performance.  I have no idea if that's true, but if the story is true, you have to commend the Sharks for employing the most creative nonsense I've seen in any jersey history.  Kudos.

13. Dallas Stars
First Impression: 5
Classicyness: 3
Color Scheme: 6
Trend: 8
Logo/Mascot: 5
Total - 27

Stars for Dallas.  I don't love it, I don't hate it.  But why can't they be the Lone Stars?  Like all the other thieves, Dallas lost classicyness points for stealing a team from a better hockey city, but Minnesota has a new team now and while the old North Stars uniforms were terrific in their own way, they weren't my favorite. 

Big trend points for Dallas.  This franchise has had some real adventures in uniforms since moving from Minnesota, but I really think they have something with the new uniforms this year.  I like the green, and while it's a little simple for my taste, Texans are pretty simple, so it's a good fit.

12. Nashville Predators
First Impression: 4
Classicyness: 3
Color Scheme: 7
Trend: 7
Logo/Mascot: 6
Total - 27

If I'm going to penalize Pittsburgh for going from a nice bright gold to a dull and boring gold, then I have to reward the Predators for moving in the opposite direction.  Nashville's first attempt at yellow jerseys was really more of a mustard, yuck.  But a few years ago Nashville showed up with the brightest, most blinding jerseys in the league, and I'm a fan.  I don't even mind that Nashville's blue is sort of a navy blue, because you can't really see it anyway.

Logo/mascot was a struggle here.  I like Predators as a team name, I really do, but what is that on the logo?  Is that a saber-toothed tiger?  You know those are extinct, right?  I would also like to meet the person who thought "You know where we should put a hockey team?  Tennessee!" and the guy who responded to that thought with "Yes! You are so right about that!"

11. Los Angeles Kings
First Impression: 5
Classicyness: 5
Color Scheme: 6
Trend: 5
Logo/Mascot: 7
Total - 28

Sometime in the late 80's, the Kings went from Lakers colors (makes perfect sense, identify your new hockey team with the town's most successful franchise) to Raiders colors (umm, what?).  I don't mind silver and black, but the nomadic Raiders aren't even in LA anymore, and it's not like nobody saw that coming.  The Kings silver and black uniforms are perfectly adequate, but purple and gold is just fun, and everyone knows royalty wears purple.

Recently, the Kings have introduced a new alternate jersey that looks a lot like their old purple and gold deals, and I'm obviously a big fan.  This helped them a lot with what would have otherwise been a pretty weak trend score, and bumped classicyness up to average as well.  I should have deducted points for stealing Wayne Gretzky from Canada, but I didn't because I never really liked Gretzky that much so I care very little about this.

That's it for part 2.  Tune in next time for the thrilling conclusion when we cover all three New York area teams (including the worst alternate uniforms in the history of uniforms, colors and vision) and we find out who's #1.